RWBY vs Everyday Life
by Rosewood Reaper
Summary: War corgies, other-worldly portals, cookie riffles, sloth ninjas, an army of Chibi Salems and a sober Qrow? Just an ordinary day in Remnant. A collection of Short Stories.
1. A great Sister, but an even greater Mom?

**Chapter 01: A great Sister, but an even greater Mom?**

"THERE WILL BE NO FUCKING ICE-CREAM IN YOUR FUCKING FUTURE!"

"LANGUAGE!"

"GET THE FUCK OFF ME!"

"YANG! MAKE HER GET ME ICE-CREAM!"

"RUBY, SHE'S DRIVING, GET THE FUCK OFF OF HER!"

"QUIT IT YOU TWO, OR I WILL DRIVE THIS FUCKING CAR INTO A FUCKING DITCH, JUST TRY ME!"

"PLEEEEEAASSEEEE, WEISS!"

"FUCK YOU!"

"That's not nice."

"NEITHER IS DYING!"

* * *

\- Later, in the living room of the Xiao-Long/Rose residence -

"I love you," Ruby smiled sweetly, taking a lick of her ice-cream.

Beside her, the visiting heiress of the SDC was even paler than usual, wrapped tightly in a blanket. She was shivering, her bowl of ice-cream standing abandoned by her side.

"Existence is pain," she stated blankly.

Ruby frowned at the response, before she noticed the untouched dessert. "You gonna finish that?"

If looks could kill, the little reaper would be cold on the floor as Weiss' eyes met hers.

"Knock yourself out. Please."

"YIPPIE!" Ruby squealed, graciously swooping up the ice-cream in her arms.

The sudden movement on Weiss' side shifted the couch they were sharing, which was more than enough movement to trigger her again.

"I'm gonna hurl," she spluttered pitifully before rushing out of the room.

Ruby watched her partner disappear into the bathroom and continued to cheerfully eat her cold treat, completely oblivious to the hideous dry-heaving sounds coming from upstairs.

A few minutes later Weiss returned, doing her best living dead impression and with her blanket hunched up over her head.

"You 'kay?" Ruby asked.

Weiss groaned. "I can taste last week's breakfast."

"What does it taste like?"

"... Waffles."

Ruby gasped.

"I love waffles!"

"... Eat shit."

"Language."

Weiss dropped down onto the couch, not much caring what position she landed in. She pulled her legs up off the floor and curled into the fetal position.

"What're we watching?" she asked quietly.

"My Little Corgi."

"Oh fuck off, not today Ruby," Weiss groaned.

Her leader let out an ear-piercingly, high-pitched sigh, causing her to cringe in pain.

"But it's the movie! We've been waiting to watch this one since it came out!"

"If you make that noise again, I swear I will break your jaw."

"But Weissssssss!"

Ruby's shrill voice almost forced Weiss cross-eyed.

"Please mercyful Oum, end me."

"So we can keep watching the movie?"

"Fine."

"Yippie!"

Ruby bounced on the couch again, luckily Weiss was now entirely empty and didn't vomit. Instead she simply groaned and collapsed to the side, taking a face full of pillow.

"Mmersyamg?"

"What?"

Weiss lifted her head up.

"Where's Yang?"

"Still getting the tires fixed," Ruby answered sweetly.

"I'm surprised we didn't lose the car axel," Weiss muttered.

Ruby shrugged. "If we had just got ice-cream in the first plac-"

She was silenced by Weiss' finger of death pointing at her.

"Shut. Up."

Seeing straight past the finger, Ruby eyed her teammate instead.

"You know what this means?" she asked quietly.

"What?" Weiss asked unenthusiastically.

Ruby gave a cheeky smile and lifted herself up. She pulled herself into a kneeling position and craned over Weiss.

"Since dad staying at Signal for the weekend, it means... we have the house to ourselves."

Weiss' eyebrows hit the roof as she turned to Ruby, who was way too close for comfort. Her grin sent chills down her spine.

"Ermmm... wha...?" she spluttered.

"And you know what... that... means?" Ruby asked in a husky voice, leaning closer.

Weiss craned her neck back, moving as far away from the younger girl as she could.

"I'm... not sure I do, no."

"It means," Ruby turned around, plucking up a plastic carrier bag from behind the sofa and placed it down between them. "We can wrap Yang's presents!"

Weiss let out a breath of relief. "Thank Oum for that."

"What?"

"I was worried for a minute."

Ruby frowned for a moment, before skipping over the comment and pushing the carrier bag further into Weiss.

"I got these the other day, I just needed an excuse to get her out of the house so we could wrap them!"

Weiss' killer glare returned.

"Wait, you did that whole performance in the car, just so we could wrap up some presents?!"

"Sure did!"

"Ruby, we nearly killed Cardin!"

"Sure did! What was he doing here on Patch anyway?"

"There's blood in my puke!"

Ruby frowned. "Okay, that's actually quite serious, you should get that checked out."

Weiss held her hand up, stopping them from getting off topic.

In a quieter voice, she continued. "How did you know she'd ruin the tires? Surely there're easier ways to get her out of the house?"

Ruby waved her off with a smile. "I had to make it look like it was her idea... I'm a master at getting what I want."

Weiss scoffed. "You are not."

"I ammmmmmmmmm~."

"Argh!" Weiss growled, holding her hands to her ears. "Fine, fine, you are, you are!"

Ruby crossed her arms and smiled adorably.

Weiss shook her head clean from the ridiculousness that just occurred and picked up the carrier bag.

She frowned. "Hang on... why does Yang get presents? It's not her birthday, is it?"

Ruby giggled into her hands. "It's not for her birthday silly... look at the date!" she pointed towards the calendar in the corner of the room.

Weiss turned to the calendar and squinted, struggling to see it from across the room.

"Tuesday, Twenty-Seventh of March?" she asked, confused.

"Yep!" Ruby smiled.

Weiss turned to her partner, almost dreading to ask the question.

"What's so special about the Twenty-Seventh of March?"

"It's Mother's Day!"

"..."

"..."

"... No, it isn't."

"Yes, it is!"

"No, it's not."

"It is."

"Not."

"Is."

"Not."

"Is, is, is, is, is!"

"Ruby," Weiss growled, "Mother's Day is in May."

Ruby frowned. "No, it isn't."

"Yes, it is."

"No, it isn-"

"RUBY!" Weiss shouted, before regretting it instantly and clutching her head in pain.

"But it_ is_ Mother's Day... I read it online!" Ruby pouted.

Weiss sighed at her leader's baby face. She knew exactly the right buttons to push...

"Where did you read it online?"

Ruby took out her scroll. "MyDust, I'll show you."

Ruby spent a second flicking through her scroll, before passing it to Weiss.

Squinting to focus her vision, she read the screen.

"Ruby," Weiss gave a disappointed sigh. "This is a Mistral dustsite."

Ruby frowned, confused. "So?"

Weiss rolled her eyes. "The Mistrals have Mother's Day in march. We are in Vale."

At this revelation Ruby's eyes dropped down onto her carrier bag.

"Oh..."

Weiss face-palmed.

"Why don't you show me what you got her anyway?" she gestured to the bag.

The cookie reaper smiled, quickly rearranged herself into a sitting position and took the bag into her lap.

"Okay so first-," her hand went into the bag.

"Hold up," Weiss' finger shot into the air.

Ruby paused, watching her partner expectantly.

"I don't know why this is only occurring to me now," she said more to herself than Ruby. "You know that... Yang's... not your mother, right?"

Ruby chuckled. "Of course I do, silly! Not really, anyway."

Weiss eyed Ruby, wondering what delusions were going on in her head and worrying about shattering them.

"Not... at all, you mean. She's your older sister."

Ruby shrugged. "Yeah, but she's also basically my mom."

Weiss squinted. "No Ruby, she's not."

Ruby shook her head. "No, she is! I realized that when we were in Miss Peach's class and were talking about biology! You don't have to actually be somebody's mom, to still be their mom. I mean, since the day our actual mom went missing and dad fell into depression, Yang did her best to take care of me in her place," Ruby explained, dropping on the couch, swinging her legs up and down.

"She always had to play two roles at once: that of the awesome big sister and the loving mother. She's been doing it for so long, she's basically both by now! And not only to me, but Team RWBY as whole as well! She takes the blame if one of us messed up, drives us everywhere, makes us food when we're hungry, talks to you when you wake up screaming at night-"

"I didn't know you knew about that..."

"And don't forget about Blake! Without Yang's intervention, who knows what would have happened to her."

"True..."

"You see what I mean! Yang is basically Team RWBY's mother. That means she's your mom, too!"

Weiss frowned, the cogs in her head ticking over.

"I... guess you have a point," she sighed. "My mother... it's... well,... it's complicated."

"See! I've been thinking about it really hard. And I figured, since Yang's basically our mom, we should get her something for Mother's Day! I even got you some stuff for her as well!"

At the mention of her inclusion, Weiss' interest peaked. She gestured towards the bag.

"So, what'd you get her?"

"Weelllll...," Ruby routed around inside the bag. "... First we got... candles!"

She took out a pair of scented candles and handed them to Weiss.

"For her room, when she relaxes."

Weiss shrugged.

"How very... normal, considering it's coming from you, but nice, she'll like them."

Ruby wiggled her eyebrows. "Weiss approved?"

She chuckled and nodded. "Weiss approved."

"Goodie!" Ruby squealed.

Her hands returned back into the bag, returning a second later with something new in her hands.

"Bath bombs!"

"Aw, I love those things," Weiss smiled.

"Weiss approved...?" Ruby teased.

Weiss smiled, shaking her head. "Weiss approved."

"Yeah!" Ruby smiled. "Next one is: alcohol!"

Ruby handed her a bottle.

Weiss winced. "You were doing so well..."

She took the bottle, reading the label. "... Ruby, this is expensive, even by my standards. Where'd did you get the money for it? Even more important, how did you bought it, aren't you underage?"

Ruby mouth opened into a cheeky grin.

"You didn't!"

"Didn't what?"

"You were shoplifting?!" Weiss screamed, eyes wide open in shock.

Ruby waved her off casually. "Of course not, what do you take me for? It was a 'buy one, get one free' - deal."

"... And?"

"I took the free one."

Weiss groaned.

"I'm not a crook!"

"What else you got?" Weiss asked, deciding to drop the subject... for now.

"Welllll," Ruby sang, digging through her bag of goodies.

Next she pulled out a picture frame, which was disproportionally big for the size of the bag. Weiss considered being confused, but figured when you're dealing with Ruby, sometimes it's easier to just accept what happens and not ask questions.

"I got this!" She turned the picture frame around.

Weiss gasped.

It was a beautifully hand-panted scene of the sun setting over a sandy beach. The sky was dark orange, the sea was calm and the whole picture had an air of relaxation to it.

"That's gorgeous..."

"I figured," Ruby began. "Since she sometimes misses Patch so much when we're at Beacon, she'd quite like it."

Weiss took the frame into her hands and admired it in greater detail.

"Ruby that's... really thoughtful of you."

She smiled, blushing.

"Think she'll like it?"

"She'll love it," Weiss nodded, before smiling. "Weiss approved."

"Yay!" Ruby squealed. "One last thing!"

"Oh?"

"Hold out your hand!"

Weiss did as told, only to have a small gold locket get dropped into it. "A necklace?"

"Open the bit in the middle, it's got a little picture inside!"

Weiss wrestled with the locket for a second, before clicking it open.

...

...

...

"Holy shit..."

"It's shit?"

"What? No! It's just..."

"What?"

"We had this done so long ago, I forgot we even did it in the first place," Weiss held the picture closer to her face.

"I printed it out so I could put it in there. It was really tricky, the printer is super difficult to use. I had to do it like twenty times before it I got the right size… we have to buy more paper when we get back to Beacon, by the way."

"Ruby, we don't own a printer."

"That explains many things."

"But seriously," Weiss continued, ignoring her comment, "This is really nice."

Ruby smiled at her words, and then quieter, replied. "You think so?"

"Yeah, I do," Weiss smiled.

Attached inside the locket was a miniaturized version of the picture they took right after the initiation, showing the future members of Team RWBY. Sweaty, dirty and exhausted, but proudly presenting the artefacts they collected.

A beaming Ruby stood in the centre, holding her hands up with victory signs, grinning widely.

Yang had her left arm wrapped around the shoulders of her little sister, smiling proudly at the camera.

Blake was standing next to her partner, arms crossed, smirking slightly.

And Weiss herself was on the left side, right next to the youngest team member, with a tired smile on her face.

* * *

\- Later -

"SURPRIIIIIISSSSE!" Ruby sang, as an exhausted Yang walked into the house.

"Ruby, I love you. I really do, but I'm too tired for any of your antics..."

"Yang," Weiss interfered. "It's Mother's Day."

"What the fuck are you talk-," Yang stopped mid-march. She spotted something.

"Are those... presents?"

"YES!"

"... For me?"

"ALL THE YES!"

"... That one present is bottle-shaped..."

Ruby and Weiss shared a laugh.

"Believe me, it's better you don't ask," Weiss smiled.

"It's all yours!" Ruby exclaimed, gesturing towards the small pile of presents on the couch.

Yang eyed the two grinning girls in confusion. "... Why?"

"I already told you," Weiss shrugged, "It's Mother's Day."

"... It isn't."

"Believe me, it's better to just roll with it."

"It's your special day!" Ruby squealed.

"Yeah, mom," Weiss folded her arms, smirking.

Yang starred at the two in shock, and then sighed, putting her hand to her forehead.

"Dear Oum, I have TWO of them now..."


	2. Just yanging out

**Chapter 02: Just yanging out**

"NORA! How many of those stupid rope traps did you put out here?!"

Ruby Rose fumed as she hung upside-down from a snare trap. It had all been fun and games just a few hours ago; she and her fellow sugar-addicted friend had been slaying a few Grimm, had a short break to eat some snacks they brought with them, and slaughtered even more Grimm afterwards. In general, it was an ordinary afternoon.

Then Nora had suggested that they try to make rope traps.

"That was so very brilliant!" the little reaper moaned to herself. "I knew it was a bad idea, but nooooo, Nora said it would all be okay! We would totally catch some Grimm! Well, what exactly were we going to do with them?!"

She stared at a nearby space, wishing that her friend was there so she could tell her just how awful her idea was. However, all there was in that spot was empty space.

"Yeah, I could have tried, oh, I don't know, not doing it!" she yelled. "Oh, and what if one of us gets caught in one of those things?! Who's gonna help us then, huh?!"

Ruby looked up at the rope tied around her leg, hoping it would vaporize. Unfortunately, life never had any intention of giving her laser vision, so the rope remained intact. She then lifted her hand, wishing that the rope would magically untie itself. But alas, this world had no magic either.

She sighed, looking longingly at her beloved scythe Crescent Rose, lying directly beneath her, gleaming temptingly in the last rays of the setting sun. So close, and yet forever out of reach.

"I could have told her how stupid this whole thing was! I should have! But instead, I went along with it! And guess what?! We never caught any freaking Grimm! And now I'm caught in this stupid trap!"

She yelled out in frustration before letting herself go limp. She felt too frustrated to do anything else at this point. Even if she could, she couldn't reach the rope or the ground, so she was stuck. There was literally no way that her situation could get any worse.

"You know, if you talk to yourself people are going to think you're crazy."

Actually, no. Ruby's situation had just gotten worse.

"Yang?!"

"Whaaat?" said blonde asked teasingly, tilting her head. "Is that how you treat your favourite big sister?"

"You're my only sister," Ruby retorted, visibly annoyed. "What are you even doing here?!"

"Well, I was just coming back from training," Yang answered, pointing at the gym bag she was carrying. "That was when I ran into Ren. He was searching for Nora all day and I decided to help him out. And then, much to my surprise, I found my favourite little sister hanging from a tree!"

Ruby pouted, eliciting a couple giggles from her sister.

"So, how did you get yourself in this situation?"

She struggled to hold back her laughter as Ruby growled.

"It was Nora's fault," Ruby grumbled.

"Really?" asked the fair-haired brawler. "And was it your idea to go with it?"

Ruby blew her tongue at Yang, which led to even more laughs.

"So, basically, Nora had one of her usual dumb ideas and you followed through with it, even though you knew it was going to backfire at some point."

Ruby refused to speak. Yang frowned playfully.

"Why the long face, little sis? I thought you enjoyed hanging out!"

On the outside, the cookie reaper kept her stoic face. On the inside, she was groaning at the joke.

"So, how am I going to turn that frown upside down?" Yang continued gleefully. "I mean, it's already upside down, but how do I make it a smile?"

Yang looked up, away from her sister's face. She then noticed that Ruby's skirt (sorry, 'combat' skirt) had fallen down slightly, just enough to expose her panties.

"You know, dad would probably get angry about you exposing yourself."

Even though Ruby didn't want to show any emotion, her cheeks were starting to turn dark-pink.

"I mean, it's really not a good idea," Yang smirked. "I mean, people could come up and..."

She then did something unexpected: she gave her sister a slap on her butt.

For a brief moment, Ruby's eyes opened comically wide. She then quickly resumed her stoic appearance, but it was too late. Yang had seen her twinge, and was now grinning devilishly.

"And, if they were so inclined, they could even do _other _things. Like maybe..." She then pressed her fingers against Ruby's body.

"TICKLES!"

She began to tickle her, watching how Ruby convulsed, as she did her best to maintain her emotionless look. As Yang continued, however, it became evident that she was struggling; she was pressing her lips together very tightly and her eyes were becoming wider.

"Oh, come on, Rubes," she laughed. "Don't leave me hanging!"

Even though it was a terrible joke, it was too much for Ruby. She burst out laughing, flailing her arms around trying to get Yang to stop, to no avail.

"See, Ruby? That's why you're supposed to think before you do these stupid things!"

She grinned as she continued to tickle her sister. After a few more seconds, however, she stopped and stepped back, giving Ruby space to breathe.

"Okay, I've had my fun," she said. "Now let's get you back down."

* * *

"That wasn't funny."

As the two siblings walked down the road, Yang continued to smile, while Ruby scowled at her.

"Come on, Rubes. It wasn't that bad."

"You could have helped me back down," she grumbled.

"Hey, I helped you back down, didn't I?"

"You could have just done that!" Ruby said angrily. "You didn't have to tickle me like that!"

"And deprive you of a wonderful learning opportunity?"

The red-haired girl scowled at her.

"How was that supposed to teach me anything?"

"Well, how did you end up in that situation in the first place?"

Ruby scrunched up her forehead as she thought.

"I got caught in one of Nora's rope traps?"

"They're called snare traps," Yang corrected. "But yeah."

"So, don't use snare traps?"

Yang laughed. "Well, that was part of the lesson. I was hoping for something else, though."

Ruby considered what her sister was saying. She then thought about what she had been thinking to herself before he had found her.

"Don't follow stupid suggestions?"

"Eh, close enough," said Yang. "Yeah, if your friends have ideas that you know are bad, don't be afraid to voice your objections. Real friends won't be afraid to point out flaws in each other's plans. Just be sure to point out why they're stupid ideas."

She thought about Yang's words. She then thought about how everything had gone wrong with Nora's idea and how she had seen it coming.

"Yeah," she said finally. "I guess it makes sense."

Yang smiled and lightly ruffled Ruby's hair.

"Hey, don't worry. Everyone makes mistakes. And sometimes your big sister's gonna tease you for it. But that's okay, because that's what big sisters do. And as long as you learn from your mistakes, you'll be just fine."

Ruby looked up and smiled. Yang in turn gave her a smile of her own.

"Thanks, big sis."

"Anytime, little sis."

They then continued to walk together, both a tiny bit wiser than before.

* * *

"Hello?" yelled a certain ginger-haired girl, hanging upside-down from a tree. "Anyone here?"

Silence.

"I'm hungry…"


	3. Hot Damn

**Chapter 03: Hot Damn**

Yang and Weiss entered their dorm room, the latter throwing herself face-first onto her bed with a groan, and the former doing some deep stretches.

"Damn," Yang winced as she cracked her shoulder. "Goodwitch is one hell of a slave driver, you think Ruby and Blake will be okay with cleaning the rest?"

"They will be fine," Weiss mumbled, her voice barely audible through the pillow. "Besides, Ruby deserves it, it's that dolts fault that we had detention in the first place."

"Wasn't it your fault that the kitchen burned down?"

Weiss raised her head, a pink blush visible on her pale face. "I never baked cake before! She could have warned me about the fire hazard!"

"Whatever. Speaking of food," she turned to Weiss, her stomach grumbling. "Is it okay if I raid your part of the fridge for some snacks? I'm all out."

Weiss' head fell back to her pillow. "Yeah, sure. Take whatever you want."

"Will do," Yang said as she opened the fridge door and looked at the uppermost shelf. There were various fruits and vegetables, as well as various dressings and condiments. She had trouble deciding what to eat because everything looked rather tasty.

There was one bottle, however, that caught her attention. It looked to be a mostly unmarked bottle, with a piece of paper that had the words 'SAUCE' taped onto the side. With a frown, she grabbed an apple and the bottle.

Weiss looked up when Yang returned and sat down on her bed. "I see you've found an apple and... what's that?"

Yang bit into the fruit, the obvious freshness presenting itself as a crisp crunching resonated across the room. "What do you mean, 'what's that'? I found it in on your shelf."

"Well, what does it say on the label?" Weiss asked as she sat up and leaned towards her.

"It says...," Yang started, before she took another bite of her apple. "It says 'SAUCE'."

Weiss hummed. "What do you think is inside of it?"

Yang rolled her eyes and gulped. "I'm going to take a wild guess and say that there's some kind of sauce inside the bottle."

"That's strange," Weiss said as she leaned back, ignoring Yang's sarcastic remark. "I don't remember buying a bottle of sauce, and neither Ruby nor Blake would ever buy one. Sweet tooth and cat tongue, remember?"

Yang turned over the bottle of what was presumably sauce in her hand, examining it. "It could be something that isn't sauce at all," she grunted.

Weiss lazily raised an eyebrow. "Why would you label something with 'SAUCE' if it isn't?"

Yang tilted her head while looking at the bottle. "It could be a prank," she shook it again. "Like, we're supposed to think its sauce but it isn't, and then use it, and it's like carriage oil lubricant or something."

Weiss leaned in again. "Well, it doesn't look like carriage oil lubricant from here."

Yang let out a breath. "Well, I'm going to open it, and get a whiff of-"

"Yang, I don't know if opening it is such a good idea."

"What do you mean?"

Weiss stood up and paced around. "What if it's like... a highly pressurized explosive or something?" she continued as she rotated a hand. "You open it, and it blows up like a grenade?"

"I don't think anyone would be stupid enough to try something like this," Yang said with a chuckle.

"You do realize," Weiss started. "That we live in the same room as Ruby 'Let's built Zwei a weapon and call him War Corgi' Rose?"

Yang looked at her sister's partner, then back at the bottle in her hand. "I see your point. What do you suggest we do about it?"

"Well, my suggestion would be to open it at a high altitude to avoid casualties."

"Hmm," Yang pursed her lips. "Screw it, I'm opening it." She twisted the cap and removed it. Nothing exploded. "It doesn't appear to be a highly pressurized explosive, Weiss-cream."

"Well don't sniff it directly. It could be some kind of chemical concoction-, you just sniffed it directly, didn't you?"

Yang inhaled the mysterious liquid deeply. "It smells like some kind of sauce."

"Doesn't mean it's necessarily sauce," Weiss retorted as she sat back down on the couch. "It could be some kind of juice."

"I think you're examining this too deeply," Yang mused as she swished around what she assumed to be sauce. "I think it's just sauce." She peered at the apparent sauce. "It looks a little thin, though."

"Then, um," Weiss pressed her eyes shut, then opened them. "Then why don't you take a sip?"

Yang pointed a finger at Weiss. "I think I just might do that."

"You know what, Yang?" Weiss said as a smirk formed across her face. "I'll give you twenty Lien if you chug the whole thing in one go."

"I dunno about that. It could be like 'Vacuo Ultra Death Sauce'," she said with a shudder. "That stuff doesn't exactly go down easily, if you know what I'm saying."

Weiss rolled her eyes. "Does it smell like 'Vacuo Ultra Death Sauce'?"

Yang took another whiff. "Not really, but I'm still a little leery about chugging the entire bottle for twenty Lien. Make it two hundred and you have a deal."

"I don't know if I feel comfortable paying you two hundred for something that could just be gravy."

"I don't know if gravy is considered a sauce."

"I don't see why you're so fixated on it being sauce."

Yang glared at Weiss. "Because it had a piece of paper with 'SAUCE' taped to it, Weiss-cream. I don't see why that would be such a weird conclusion to make."

Weiss pursed her lips. "I think gravy is a kind of sauce."

"Are you sure gravy is sauce?" Yang asked as she peered at the bottle. "I think gravy traditionally also has sediment in it, and I don't see any sediment in here."

"I'm pretty sure gravy is classified as sauce," Weiss repeated before she let out a groan. "And like I said, I'm not paying you two hundred Lien to chug that. Make it fifty and we have a deal."

"Ehh... I'm not sure I feel comfortable with that. Maybe a hundred?"

Weiss rolled her eyes again. "Seventy-five is my final offer. Take it or leave it."

Yang traded one last glance between the bottle and the heiress. "I could use seventy-five Lien." A wicked grin crossed her face. "Alright, you've got a deal," she said as she brought the bottle to her lips.

"Remember, the whole thing or no money," Weiss reminded her as she watched her friend starting to drink the contents of the bottle.

Yang took a sip, then yanked the bottle away from her mouth. "Weiss, it tastes like hot sauce..."

Weiss whistled a bit. "Seventy-five Lien, Yang."

The blond brawler sneered at her and then looked back at the bottle. She didn't fancy chugging hot sauce, but she did like money.

So she inhaled deeply and poured the contents of the bottle down her throat, drawing a wide-eyed stare from Weiss.

"Where'd you learn to do that?"

Yang clutched her throat as tears involuntarily poured down her face. "Uncle Qrow," Yang inhaled again, then quickly exhaled.

"Okay, breathing doesn't seem to be a good idea right now," she clenched her jaw. "Holy fuckberries, that's hot."

"Like, um," Weiss said as she rolled her left hand. "Like, 'I'll be okay with a glass of milk' hot, or 'I need to go to the hospital right now' hot?"

Yang shook her head as she clutched her stomach and tears dripped off of her chin. "It's more like, um," she said between ragged breaths. "Like, 'I'm achieving 'Spicepotheosis' hot."

"I'm not quite familiar with that word."

"It's a, uh," Yang's breathing grew more and more laboured. "It's a portmanteau between spice and apotheosis."

Weiss groaned. "I gathered as much, and I'm actually kind of impressed that you even know those words, but what does it mean in this context?"

"It means," Yang grimaced as her eyes squeezed shut. "It means that I've discovered the meaning of life through the massive amount of simulated pain I'm experiencing." She clenched her jaw. "And that meaning is 'an intense amount of pain'."

Yang then slumped onto the bed as her head rolled to the side.

Weiss looked at Yang's unconscious body. "Yikes, looks like she's death."

She then heard a knock at her door.

"Come in."

The door opened to reveal Nora. "Hey, Weissy!" she laughed as she entered the room, wildly waving with a rope in her hand. "Have you seen Ruby? We're going to catch us some Grimm... why's Yang napping? It's not nap time yet."

"She, she drank from a bottle labelled with 'SAUCE' and it turned out to be hot, well, sauce. I guess she passed out from the pain or something."

Nora stopped dead in her tracks. "It... it wouldn't happen to have been a glass bottle with a piece of paper, that had the word 'SAUCE' taped to the side, would it?"

Weiss' eyes slowly widened as she faced a sheepish looking Nora. "Yes, that was exactly the case," she narrowed her eyes. "Why?"

Nora grimaced. "That's 'Vacuo Mega Ultra Super x 4 Death Sauce' oil. It disappeared from our fridge the other day. It's a bit spicy."

Weiss groaned, holding up one finger, while her left hand massaged her temple. "Okay, I have two questions."

"Shoot."

"Number one, if you put it in your fridge, how did it appear in ours?"

"Well, that's actually a funny story," Nora said with a nervous chuckle. "Things tend to... disappear from our fridge. In fact, Pyrrha's avocados keep ending up in Team CVFY's fridge, and Coco keeps eating them."

"Um," Weiss started before she shook her head. "I'm not even going to ask." She then looked at Nora. "Number two, am I going to have to drag her to the hospital to get her stomach pumped?"

Nora looked to the side. "I don't think so, but she's not going to be having a good time for the next few days once she wakes up."

Weiss buried her face in her hands. "Why do you even have that stuff?!"

"I like to put it on my pancakes."

Mumbles emerged from Yang's mouth. Weiss held a finger to her mouth, then creeped slowly over to Yang and listened. She then looked up at Nora with a raised eyebrow.

"She's saying 'the sauce must flow'."

Nora nodded. "Yeah, delusions are common if you have too much 'Vacuo Mega Ultra Super x 4 Death Sauce' oil at once. Renny tried it one time, and he started calling himself 'Lord Delicious Pants' for a few days."


	4. Battle of the Century

**Chapter 04: Battle of the Century**

An army stood between her and the evil king, but she wasn't concerned. She had been training all her life for this moment, and the fate of the castle's peasants, nay, the fate of the world rested upon her shoulders. The legions would fall, she'd be victorious. With her weapon to slay the king lying safely in her pocket, she began her assault.

First the outer guard came. _Ha, child's play!_

She didn't even have to use a weapon on them. With trained precision she deftly cut her way through the first few rows of defenders.

_Look at the fear in the poor fools' eyes!_ They posed no threat to her superior skill.

She noticed them heading towards their metal armouries to re-arm themselves, as if that would somehow save them from their incompetence. She could see them pulling out their weapons, large rectangular instruments of bludgeoning, but such crude weaponry didn't have a chance of stopping her. She had far too much experience to let them hit her. With finesse she felled them all.

_Hah, I haven't even broken a sweat yet!_

The doors on either side of her busted open allowing an onslaught of reinforcements to surround her.

_Good. I like a challenge. Come at me fools!_

The castle's hall became packed with the new batch of defenders. Her progress slowed to a crawl as she waded through them. Right away she knew that these ones had much more experience than the simpletons she faced earlier because of the way they fought together instead of apart. Not that it mattered of course. While she may be delayed in her actions she'd never be stopped. They were only prolonging the inevitable, but she had to respect their dedication to their king.

Then she felt the first impact against her flesh. It came out of nowhere and nearly took the wind out of her.

_Tis but a flesh wound! Surely the fool just got lucky!_ She wouldn't allow herself to be felled so close to her target. A blow to her back sent her stumbling forward. Then she was hit from the right, then from the left, and again from the right. _This can't be! I cannot be beaten by such crude tactics!_

Yet such tactics were proving most successful in stopping her. She could feel her stamina draining rapidly. Under such a barrage of savagery, she knew she wouldn't last much longer. The seed of doubt planted itself inside her. The king lay just beyond the next corner, she knew. She was so close; she could almost taste the victory.

Had her training failed her? Years spent learning the fine arts of war, wasted? _Nonsense! She has spent far too much time in preparation for this battle. She will not fall before her mission is completed!_ The fire of perseverance ignited within her and turned the seed into ashes.

With a surge of strength, she charged forward. Their blows were painful, but she pressed on. Using skills that would impress even the most seasoned of battle masters, she weaved between the masses. Why she even brought a few of them down to the floor.

_Those poor fools! I am so... not sorry!_

After a long and bloody conflict, she managed to turn the corner. At the end of the hall she could see him. The king towered over his subjects, wearing his nearly impenetrable armour. Nearly, because she had one of the only weapons designed to pierce it. However, the path ahead of her wouldn't be easy. One last group of defenders, the elite of the elite, stood between her and the king.

This was it. There would be no coming back unscathed. Years after today she'd tell people about how she conquered the evil king and freed all of his peasants. They'd write songs about her radiance and skill. Then there would be epics written about her that would tell of this glorious battle.

Yes, she'd be remembered throughout the ages as one of the world's greatest saviours, but only if she won.

She locked eyes with the defenders. After taking a deep breath, she charged. The defenders stood firm. They didn't even appear concerned. _You're fools if you think you can underestimate me!_

She slammed into them, knocking a few out instantly. _And I thought that you were supposed to be the best of the best. Ha! Clearly the king needs better guards other than you simple-minded fools._ The defenders that remained lost focus on her. Instead they went to aid their fallen comrades. This, of course, suited her just fine. Despite how anti-climatic the whole affair was.

Now only the king remained. She drew the round golden weapon from her pocket. _The time has come to meet your maker, king!_ Her steps were filled with purpose as she closed the distance. The king didn't even try to defend himself or try to reason with her. It would've been futile for him to try anyway. They both knew that he had lost. What was the point of dragging it out? She plunged the round weapon into the chink in his armour. With his dying breath the king handed her the prize.

Victory! She had saved the world from the tyranny of the evil king's rule. Rubbing her hands together, she spoke:

"Nora... needs some peanut butter crackers!"

She reached down and grabbed the plastic package from the vending machine.

After pulling the thin cover of the container off, she popped one of the delectable crackers into her mouth. Immediately her taste buds became coated with the sweet saltiness of peanut butter.

"Same time tomorrow, my liege?" she asked between bites.


	5. Daily Life with Nora

**Chapter 05: Daily Life with Nora  
**

Ren casted a wary eye on a fleck of some unidentified, white substance floating in the air. Frowning, he blew it away while continuing to trudge down the stairs to Beacon's open kitchen. Although 'flour' was usually a safe bet, whatever this was clumped together and floated about looked more like snow. However, it was not cold to the touch nor did it seem like it was going to melt into water. In fact, each fleck felt oddly sticky and all around unpleasant as it touched Ren's skin.

He made it to the bottom of the stairs and walked into the kitchen, the odd white substance growing ever thicker as it hung in the air.

Ren gave a heavy sigh and shook his head. Just as suspected...

"Nora," he began in a soft, but still chastising tone. "What have I told you about baking hellish-looking portals to other dimensions?"

Standing next to a several meter high heap of slimy-looking vegetation with a dull glowing red membrane in the centre, the ginger-head in question turned and grinned back at Ren with a pensive, if wide smile that showed off all her teeth.

"Oopsie...," she replied.

"'_Oopsie'_?" Ren parroted. "Nora, please tell me you have more to say for yourself than a simple _'Oopsie'_. We talked about this. Many times."

"I know we talked about this and I wasn't trying to bake a portal to an otherworldly dimension this time!" Nora insisted. "I was busy all day working on my ultimate pancake recipe and well...," she trailed off as she stared at the organic mound of... vegetation? Green-coloured flesh? Fleshetation? Well... whatever it was, it let out a sickly squelch as a fine stream of more of the sticky white flakes shot out from the membrane centre. She turned back to her oldest friend.

"Mistakes were made...," she finished sheepishly.

Ren pursed his lips into a small frown. "Nora, did you confuse teaspoons and tablespoons again?"

"Only for like an hour!" Nora insisted. "But everything else is fine! Well... a bit too much baking powder maybe, and a bit too little vanilla extract and erm...," she motioned to the portal with both hands. "... And now we have a free mystery portal!"

Ren narrowed his eyes slightly. "Nora, we can't let that thing stay in the kitchen, let alone in Beacon."

The portal made another moist squelch as if in protest.

Nora puffed out her lower lip. "But we've already bonded! I already named him... her... it?... 'Belchy'! Belchy's oddly sticky friendship has finally taught me the meaning of blove, or blob love!"

She ran a hand over the side of Belchy. "And he has my scent now; Belchy's mother will never take him back!"

"Nora, no," Ren said, adding a touch more sternness to his voice.

"Look, I know it appears to be an evil half-plant, half-skin pile portal to an evil dimension, but one shouldn't judge things by how they appear and-"

"Nora. It's blocking one of the ovens."

Nora turned towards the portal, then to Ren. "Maybe it could be useful as extra storage at least? We don't even know what's on the other-"

Ren sighed. "Nora, please, get rid of it," he said sternly. "It's coating the bakery in this strange-," he cringed slightly as one of the white 'flakes' dropped on his nose "Sticky goo stuff... and we don't want to scare the others when flailing tentacles explode from the kitchen. Again."

"But that was only one time!" Nora protested. "And a huge tub of peanut butter fixed all that!"

"Nora! Please read my lips. Get. Rid. Of. It. Sorry for raising my voice, but I really want that gone before someone else comes down here."

Nora inhaled through her nose and then let the air out slowly. "Fiiiiine...," she relented begrudgingly. "I'll uh... I'll cut it loose and set it free in the Emerald Forest so it can frolic or, erm, ooze the Grimm... or something."

She turned and stared at the portal which was quite affixed to the kitchen's ceiling, floor, and wall. "Er... assuming it can live in the wilderness, and can find a nice tree to anchor itself to..."

"That's fine," Ren said as he turned and began to walk out. "Just as long as it's out of the kitchen."

Nora turned towards the portal and gave it a sad pout. "Sorry, Belchy! But you heard what Renny said. You've got to go!"

Belchy once again fired off another stream of the unknown white substance as it seemed to make a wet gurgling reply.

"I know!" Nora agreed as she walked over to a set of knives in a block and pulled one out. "But I'm sure you'll make lots of friends in the forest!" she said with a smile before picking up a chef's knife. "Now let's get you off the walls, floor and ceiling and then go outside!"

Nora grabbed hold of a sticky green tendril that was affixed to the wall and began cutting. In response, Belchy pulsated and shuddered as if responding in protest or pain.

"Wha!" Nora cried as she slipped and fell to the floor, losing hold of her knife. "Ouchies!" she exclaimed as she sat up on, cradling her left arm which now sported a shallow cut. She turned and glared at Belchy.

"Belchy! Don't make this any harder than it has to be! It'll be much easier on both of us if I cut you free instead of setting you on fire to get you out of here!"

She frowned heavily. "I mean... there's just so much cleaning involved with getting the smell of burnt flesh portal out of the kitchen if I do that."

Suddenly, the lights in the kitchen began to flicker erratically, sometimes dimming and sometimes even going out entirely as Nora stared upwards.

Belchy stood motionless; however a sound like wood being forcibly ripped apart by claws and muscles got Nora's attention. She spun to stare at the kitchen wall as it protruded towards her in the form of three large bumps that ended with several smaller bumps, like two hands reaching towards her from the wall, and a head or something similar to it coming closer.

She gulped as she stared at the scene pensively as the wall began to creak and crack as it gave way. Pointed claws made their way into the world of Remnant, followed by fleshy red-coloured digits on hands that were at the end of long, muscular arms.

"Nora!" the shout came from outside the kitchen. "That better not be an eldritch creature ripping itself into our dimension through that portal you baked!"

Nora turned and looked at Belchy, who continued to silently sit in the same spot and slowly pulsate.

"It's not!" she assured.

The oddly stretched wood of the topmost bump seemed to rip away like flesh, rotting away and exposing an open wound, or in this case, the creature's faceless head. The creature's head gleamed with a sickly red in the flickering lights and it seemed to stare at Nora despite a lack of eyes or anything resembling sensory organs.

Team JNPR's heavy hitter merely sat in place, staring at the creature as it tore itself from the wall, as if the wall itself was some sort of thin membrane that separated it from Remnant. Soon, the creature was completely free of the wall, which, against all odds and physics, had stretched with the monster like it was a thick goo or adhesive. This lanky creature got onto two feet and brought itself up as high as it could. The kitchen, clearly not being large enough to accommodate this eldritch being of muscles and claws, forced it to hunch over the smaller girl, its bizarrely faceless head pointed directly at Nora.

For a moment, neither human nor creature sp-

"Hi!" Nora said cheerfully extending her right hand. "My name is Nora, what's yours?"

The creature replied by splitting its head into five flower petal-like tendrils covered with teeth and roaring loudly at her, a small stream of semi-translucent, milky-white saliva, or something that resembled it, flew from its maw, which opened into a massive hole that extended into the creature's body.

Nora reared back her head and gritted her teeth as the sound and spit hit her full blast. With a wipe of a hand, she collected the 'saliva' from her face and attempted to flick it elsewhere.

"Wow, that's an awful lot of vowels for a name," she mused. She smiled up at the creature. "I'm just going to call you 'Roary'."

Nora once again lifted her now slightly slobbery hand. "Or maybe 'Spitty'."

The 'death blossom' attached to a bipedal body of muscle and claws simple continued to loom over her, it's 'mouth' still hanging open as it hunched over her.

Nora looked up at the monstrous creature with a look of disappointment a child might reserve for an animal that the child's parents told the kid they could not keep.

"I'm sorry, Roary, but you can't stay here! Others might come soon, and Renny has a strict policy against unknown creatures from other dimensions."

She sighed. "Especially the gooey ones."

She flicked her hands a few more times as she attempted to get the sticky substance off of it, then looked back upwards as a long strand of spit dropped from Roary's open cavity and began to pool on the ground. She gave Roary a sad smile. "Maybe you can visit us from time to time, and Renny could get to know you better! I'm sure then he'd be fine with you being in the kitchen...," she looked down at the pooling drool on the floor. "Erm... as long as you clean up after yourself..."

She took a deep breath and looked up again. "But for now, I think it's best if you go back to your own dime-"

Roary suddenly reached out to Nora with its claw-tipped hands and clasped them around the redhead's torso as it drew her close to itself. With a startled gasp, Nora was gone.

Roary's mouth closed back into a featureless, spiralled head as it seemingly stared down at its empty hands in confusion.

"Wow! Rude!" Nora exclaimed, her head popping out from behind Roary.

Roary took a startled leap back, practically falling into an oven and causing a racket of rattling metal as it dropped to all fours. Roary took a predatory stance and pointed his head towards Nora who gave the massive dimensional beast a slightly miffed look.

"I'm all for surprise hugs," she started. "But shunting people into alternative dimensions without their consent is just not right!"

Roary simply titled his head slightly and let out an inquisitive-sounding growl.

Nora giggled. "Besides! The door to your dimension is right here!" she said as she motioned to Belchy. "If you wanted me to visit, it's just a hop, skip and a jump!"

She giggled, as she bent her knees, bounced lightly and then dived into the red membrane inside the vine-like, fleshy green mass, disappearing inside.

Roray turned and looked dumbfounded at the portal.

"Oh wow!" Nora's voice called out. "It's like a copy of our kitchen in here! Just... just darker and covered with goo and stuff!" she shouted. "I mean... you really should get some more lights and scrub away all this sticky film and uh... pulsating, sticky vine stuff...?"

On the other end of the portal, Nora stood in what seemed to be a run down version of the kitchen she had just been in, her hair now hanging in sticky clumps due to the odd substance that had followed her through the portal. The light in the kitchen was dim, and the walls were dingy and covered in a thin membrane of what very well could be the same white substance that lazily floated in the air and also now covered her, too.

"Oh, is that impolite to say?" she mused as the wall behind her once against bulged as if it was elastic and gave way to Roary's menacing form. "I mean... I'm the guest here."

She turned towards Roary. "I don't mean to be a 'rudey-tuedy, gosh you're being a patootie'," she grinned sheepishly. "And I hope it isn't overstepping my bounds to say you could have just taken the door!" Nora added, motion towards the other mount of vine-like flesh covered in a thin membrane with a dull red centre.

Roary suddenly lunged towards her once again, placing a clawed hand around her stomach and forcefully pushing her into one of the fleshier piles on one of the walls. Nora let out a startled yelp as she hit the mass with a solid 'plop'. The odd vines and membrane like material began to envelop her legs and torso as she was pulled deeper into it.

"Oooooooh! I get it!" she said happily. "All this stuff is for super-fun wall hugs!"

Nora frowned. "Geez, everyone here must need to take like three showers a day or just get used to being covered in slime!"

"Nora? Nora!" A concerned male voice called out from the Belchy that was on this world.

"In here, Jauneyboy!" Nora called back. "I'm getting a wall hug!"

"What?!" Jaune called back. "I just came here for a late snack, but... is that a bio-organic portal and a monster or something?!"

"Yeah! I'm on the other side here!"

Roary drew up to his full higher and looked between the girl stuck in the wall and the portal.

"... I'm guessing since you're talking to me, you're safe?" Jaune called out.

"Sure!" Nora said. "Sure is sticky though," she added with a frown as she looked at her limbs that were being covered by more and more of the sticky membrane substance. "I mean... you might want to get like a rain slicker and some goulashes before you pop on over!"

"Well... are you in danger?"

Nora looked up at Roary and gave him a sheepish smile.

"Well... I don't know about danger, but maybe you'd like to make a new friend?"

"Friend?"

"Yeah! Roary erm... _'invited' _me to his dimension but like... I think he needs some pointers on how to make friends without being too forward."

"Uh... what did he do?"

"Oh, you know... tried to teleport me here before asking... pushed me into a gooey wall that's slowly covering my legs and body..."

"Oh my gosh!" Jaune cried in alarm. "I'll be right… wait...," he stopped. "How do you know it's you and not like... some bizarre creature mimicking your voice?"

"Oh! Are we playing the _'tell me something only you would know game'_?!" Nora asked excitedly. "Well, you once rage quitted being Dungeon Master because my bard kept befriending all the monsters you sent against her. Oooo! Oooo! Once, after we played that game with the funny-looking puppets in that pizza place, you we-."

"Alright, stop!" Jaune cried. "I'm going in!"

With a moist squelch, the red membrane of the portal began to stretch and fall away as a hand poked its way into the world. It was soon followed by the arm and the rest of Jaune as he too appeared.

"What the heck is this stuff?" he uttered, holding out his arm and watching as some of the semi-translucent goo dripped from it.

"Jauneyboy!" Nora cried out. "You're being very rude to our host!"

"Huh?" Jaune looked forward and let out a startled yelp at Roary's massive form as he lumbered above him.

"Uh... hello?"

Nora grinned. "That's Roary!" Jaune jumped slightly as Nora's head suddenly came out from behind him. She raised a hand in between him and Roary as she spoke in a hushed voice to Jaune. "He's a bit grabby and possessive," she informed.

"Oh! Well...," Jaune looked up at Roary. "Hello, erm... Roary...," he forced a grin onto his face. "Well, as the leader of Team JNPR, I just want to say it's an honour and privilege to-"

Roary's face split open into the five petals of teeth once more as he let out an ear splitting scream and dove towards Jaune.

"AHHH!"

'_SLURP!'_

With a thumb, Roary slumped to the floor, a hole occupying the space were his head once was, courtesy of a punch Jaune throw out in panic.

"Jauneyboy, you murdered Roary!" Nora said in a chastising tone.

"But... but... he was going to attack me!" Jaune tried to defend himself, starring between his fist and the body on the floor in disbelief.

Nora sighed. "Well, I think assault is just how he says 'Hello', but I guess I can't be too mad here...," she said as she cast a suspicious glance at a slithering dark-green tendril that appeared from behind the sticky goo she was in. "I mean... I think this whole dimension is full of weird things that want to lay eggs in places I don't want them in."

Jaune narrowed his eyes slightly. "How can you tell?"

Nora watched as the large worm like creature slithered up towards her buttocks. "Just a hunch based on experience..."

As she swatted the slithering creature, it let out an animalistic squeal as it fell to the floor and slithered away. "Do you mind getting me unstuck from the wall?"

Jaune gave Nora a blank stare. "But weren't you just...," he trailed off and sighed as he realized that he was setting himself up for a pointless and irritating conversation. With another sigh, he pulled his quirky teammate from her sticky prison and placed her on the floor.

"Thanks, Jauneybaby!" Nora said cheerfully. She pulled a slightly disgusted face. "This whole dimension is way too forward and not good about asking permission for things."

She looked over her surroundings in interest. "Well, now that I'm free we can start exploring and studying this new world!"

"What?!" Jaune replied. "Nora, you just saw that weird ovipositor worm thing! We can't just run around in here!"

Nora let out a heavy sigh and put on a dejected look.

"Please don't look at me like that."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"... Damn it."

* * *

\- Later -

Lying on his bed, Ren awoke from his slumber and sat upright as flickering lights surrounded him on all sides. Sadly for Ren, being woken up in the middle of the night to something unexpected or downright terrifying was nothing new for him.

The walls of the dorm room pulsing with life was certainly new, however.

'_Crunch!'_

Not to mention the one wall extending towards him as if the heavy substance was actually more like chewed bubblegum being pushed on from the other side.

Ren sighed as the wall continued to bulge outward.

It began to tear and he could see patches of red flesh and the tips of black claws.

Suddenly, the stretched wall fell away from whatever was trying to get through, exposing a strange and massive, faceless red creature.

The creature lumbered forward, extended its claw-tipped hands towards the sole occupant of the room. It took a few steps forward and leaned its head closer, the end of it suddenly splitting into five fleshy petals filled with teeth.

'_FWOOOSH!'_

The creature let out a pained screech as a Fire Dust crystal shot forth from Ren's hands and engulfed it in hot flames. It flailed about and rose to its full height before collapsing to the ground. Almost immediately, its flesh began to flake away and turn to ash, as fire hot enough to melt solid metal consumed it wholly.

"Renny!" Nora's voice sounded out from the bath room. "Did a giant, dimension hopping monster just show up in our bedroom?"

The flame covered monster writhed about briefly on his floor then went still.

"Yes," he shouted back.

There was a brief pause. "Did you... did you set it on fire?"

"Yes, I did."

"It's fine!" Nora shouted back. "I've blown up like... three of those things already... I'm hoping to get one alive or at least a bit more intact than the others, but I'm sure it's just a matter of time... I'll clean up the ash later."

"Could you do that soon," Ren called out. "Setting this thing on fire does not improve the smell of the room at all."

"Just open a window!"

Ren sighed as he turned and headed towards the bath room. After casting one last weary glance on the ash pile, he turned and pushed open the door.

Inside several beakers, bottles and other types of chemistry equipment were covering the floor, almost every cup and container filled with fluids ranging from bright and watery to dull and viscous. Wearing goggles, Nora hold aloof a beaker full of a dark-green sludge as she applied a tiny droplet of some clear substance. As the droplet hit the sludge, it began to smoke lightly and she nodded satisfactorily.

Ren looked around and noted that random charred limbs, hands and feet which seemed to have once belonged to the same species of creature that attacked him littered the floor as well. He looked at Nora.

"Are you coming to bed soon?" he shook his head. "You're going to be up all night if I let you..."

Nora put down her equipment and picked up a clipboard and started to scribble something on it.

"Soon Renny, soon... I'm making some great progress here!" Nora cackled madly.

Both froze in place as the lights around them began to blink rapidly.

Ren sighed. "Here we go again."

Nora looked around excitedly. "Oh boy! Don't set this one on fire, Renny! I think I can trap it and then I can-"

The blood curdling screams of several girls suddenly sounded out from down the hall, Team RWBY'S room to be specific. This was followed by a roar, the sound of a blast tearing through the air, then a loud 'pop'."

* * *

\- Elsewhere -

Pyrrha paused mid-strike, stopping her assault on Jaune.

"Did you hear something?" she asked in confusion.

"Nope, not a thing," he reassured with a forced smile. "Let's continue or training session, okay? I'll learn that stance, even if it takes the _whole_ night..."

* * *

"Or not," Ren said, shaking his head.

Nora frowned. "Well, I'll admit that sounded bad, but we don't know exactly what happened. Maybe the creature is fi-"

"Nora!" the leader of Team RWBY, Ruby Rose, called out. "A big weird monster just came out of our wall and tried to attack us!"

"Okay, but is it still alive?!" Nora shouted back.

"What?!" another voice, this one belonging to Weiss Schnee, called back in disbelief. "Well, unless this species can survive while being blown apart at a molecular level and collapsing into a puddle because its cells can no longer maintain their shape, I should say NO!"

"Rats!" Nora exclaimed as a disappointed scowl took over her features.

Ren sighed heavily and shook his head. "Nora, have you thought about maybe not bringing back strange portals that lead to completely unknown dimensions that could be, and often are, full of ravenous consumers of flesh?"

Nora pursed her lips and furrowed her brow at Ren. "I don't understand the question."


	6. Killstreak

**Chapter 06: Killstreak**

Cookie_Reaper peaked around the corner, looking at the back of her enemies in the distance, several troopers in blue armour. They were shooting down from the top of their base, while stepping back and forth in order to avoid the counter fire. She ducked behind her cover. "I'm in position, where are you?"

"Over here, sis!" another trooper, this one wearing the same red armour as her, ran up behind her. Sunny_BombShell knelt behind the rock and looked over it at their foes. "I don't think we have much time, I ran into another guy on my way."

"So they already know we're here."

"Yup."

"Poop nuggets," Reaper looked at her sniper rifle. "I've only got four rounds left before I'm stuck with the pistol. You?"

Sunny grinned and held up her assault rifle. "Three-hundred rounds, each with their names on it~."

"You move in first, I'll give cover fire if they notice you. Move to the courtyard and draw their attention. I'll come up behind you and give cover fire . Once we've distracted them, the others pinned down at the other side will be able to move in. And remember not to pick up this guy's drop, I need the ammo and going back to our base isn't an option."

"Sounds good," Sunny edged carefully around the corner and brought her rifle up. "Ready when-"

Reaper's head exploded in a spray of red gore. Her body slowly slumped to the ground, blood still spraying from the stump of her head.

Sunny gasped. "What?!" She looked around and saw a blue trooper power armour aiming with a rifle at her. She didn't even have time to finish her cursing before the rifle fired.

"SON OF A B-!"

* * *

\- Two weeks later -

"Sniper!" Ruby screamed in alarm. "Now we're pooped!"

"Shut up and move it, Rubes!" Yang's fingers moved over her keypad to grab another assault rifle from the supply crates and then run down the ship's entrance ramp. "We've got less than two minutes before the match ends! We need to secure that checkpoint to access the facility, they won't be in position to defend the control room once we open the doors; we can still win if we move quick enough!"

Even as Yang watched as her little sisters character grabbed the sniper rifle and run ahead of her, her team mate kept complaining in her headset. "We can't, they'll get us from the roofs, and they'll be watching the bridge access now. Unless you wanna die again, we'd have to go around the tunnel to get to the barracks!"

"Are you nuts?! We can't move into the courtyard from the barracks, we'll be sitting ducks! I'd rather take my chance against one sniper than four!"

"Yeah, well, you didn't see the name of who got us."

Yang's hand tightened on her mouse. "WhiteDust?"

Ruby whimpered. "Yes."

"..."

Yang gritted her teeth and hit the hotkey to call up the leader board. "She's on a streak, up to nineteen."

"Of course she is, she used the clipping glitch to get into the right tower and spawn-camped us from the word 'Go'. I'm pretty sure the announcer was still talking about the objectives when she got her first kill."

Yang looked at the timer in the bottom-right corner of the screen. "A minute-forty left. You're right, we're screwed."

"Yup."

"But we're not going out quietly."

"Vengeance?"

"Vengeance."

"Aw yeah."

Sunny_BombShell and Cookie_Reaper ran down the small hill to the hidden maintenance tunnel underneath the facility. Sunny paused next to an open supply crate on her right, and grabbed a rocket launcher and two ammo packs.

"I'm SO going to enjoy this," she grinned cruelly.

"Who says you can kill her? I wanna kill her!" Reaper protested as the two headed down the tunnel into the basement.

"Rubes, WhiteDust has been fucking with me for almost two weeks now. Every time I run across her in randoms, she starts tracking me and making me her main target. Her team has lost games because she was so focused on me."

"Kinda like we're now? Also, language."

"She fucking started it!" Sunny tightened her grip on the rocket launcher as the two ascended the spiral stairs of the building. "And now I'm gonna end it..."

The two reached the top of the staircase and paused, waiting for the platform that ascended to the tower's peak.

"Strategy?" Reaper asked nervously.

"No prisoners, no survivors."

Reaper gulped.

The two stepped on the lift, and it began to ascend. Sunny pointed her rocket launcher up, wondering if WhiteDust might hear the lift and be ready for them.

Unfortunately for her, she was correct.

A small cylinder arced through the air and into the lift shaft.

"Son of a bitch, grenade!" she yelled.

The cylinder exploded in the air above them, doing minimal damage to them, but briefly disorientated the two. Sunny locked two missiles into place and fired them up blindly, letting them explode uselessly against the ceiling of the tower's roof. Reaper looked the other way and opened fire with her pistol, making the right side of the shaft a storm of bullets.

The lift reached the top and Sunny could finally saw her enemy - a now familiar female trooper in blue power armour, the name 'WhiteDust' visible above her head in a transparent, light-blue text.

And she had a rocket launcher in her hands. A rocket launcher pointed to her right.

"Look out!" Sunny shouted at her teammate.

Reaper was already turning around when the warning came, but it was too late, WhiteDust has fired a cluster of three rockets at her. They made impact and Reaper exploded into several gooey, red chunks of flesh.

Sunny yelled in rage and fired her own rockets as she began to move to the side. WhiteDust swung her launcher around as Sunny's fire struck her, making her body light up in a bright-blue aura.

"Dammit!" Sunny snapped. "She grabbed the shield generator earlier!"

Sunny loaded another pair of rockets in her weapon and jumped to the side, barely avoiding WhiteDust's rocket. She fired, and three rockets struck her opponent head-on, her blue shield flickering again. Another rocket flew past Sunny's shoulder as she fired once more, missing but hitting the roof support next to WhiteDust. Her body let out a small spray of red, and Sunny grinned at the sign of her foe taking some health damage at last.

WhiteDust fired another rocket and as Sunny jumped to avoid it, taking only a small bit of damage as it hit the ground next to her, she saw the weapon in WhiteDust's hands changing from a rocket launcher to a small pistol. Sunny let out a barking laugh - she had run out of rockets! She still had a dozen, and judging from how the game had cycled out her empty weapon, WhiteDust didn't have any other weaponry than her pistol, which was useless at this range!

"Not bad, Sunny_BombShell."

Sunny paused at the voice in her ear. It sounded familiar but she couldn't place it. Her chat display blinked with a speech icon, to indicate it was WhiteDust who had spoken, opening up a private voice chat. She hit the key to shift to the private chat.

"This is the first time you've spoken to me," Sunny replied, trying to sound casually.

"This is the first time you've given me a challenge," WhiteDust answered. Sunny growled; she could hear the smirk in her voice.

"I've been waiting to finally see your head explode for the last two weeks..."

"I wanted to see yours explode two weeks ago. And I did," WhiteDust laughed. "I didn't expect it to be so colourfully violent. I just had to do it again~."

"Oh, you are so dead, WhiteCUNT!" Sunny screamed and fired her rocket launcher. WhiteDust dodged it and fired back with her pistol. Sunny stayed in place and let the bullets strike, taking piddling damage.

"I think not!" WhiteDust jumped over the next rocket and picked up a weapon from the ground: a strangely formed brown rifle, glowing with green energy.

"The concussion rifle?" Sunny paused, confused as her opponent armed herself with the game's nigh-useless weapon. "The fuck is that for?"

"Launching."

WhiteDust ran up to her and fired the rifle. Sunny grunted as the impact knocked her backwards and held down her weapon trigger to load more rockets. At this point-blank range a triple blast would kill them both, but at least she-

Sunny paused as she realized the image of WhiteDust was rising above her, before being replaced with the side of the tower.

"... You've gotta be fucking me..."

Sunny watched as the walls of the tower zoomed past her and tilted her rocket launcher up to feebly fire her last shots, knowing that WhiteDust would just watch them shoot past her into the sky.

[GAME OVER: BLUE TEAM VICTORIOUS]

* * *

Yang rolled her tongue in her mouth as her character hit another building and instantly died from the fall from the tower, the model rag-dolling down the slanted roof into the moat. She glanced at the match timer and watched it tick past eight seconds, not even bothering to re-spawn.

"Did you get her?" Ruby asked hopefully. Yang tabbed back to their private chat.

"She launched me off the tower."

"Seriously?!"

"Yup."

The match ended and the announcer triumphantly announced the Blue Team as the winners - and as Yang expected, when the screen changed to show the team's best player, it focused on WhiteDust, standing on the tower with her rifle in hand, the kill score screen proudly displaying '21' in golden letters next to her screen name.

"New game!" she snapped. "And this time, we're going right for her!"

Yang glared at the screen and clicked to join another game with her sister. The matchmaker announced it had found them a team and the loading screen appeared; Yang ignored the couple of familiar, but unremarkable names on both teams, and then saw 'WhiteDust' on the opposing team.

"Two weeks and I haven't been able to kill this bitch once," she growled. "Who is she, and how is she so damn good at this game?!"

* * *

\- Somewhere else -

"Wonderful, we got the canyon!" the heiress of the infamous SDC, Weiss Schnee, smiled and pressed the key to mark herself as ready to begin the game. "This is my favourite map."

Beside her, lying comfortably on a couch, reading one of her ever-presenting books, Blake gave her absentmindedly a thumbs-up, not even bothering to look up. "This is the one you got the forty-two streak in, right?"

Weiss' fingers danced over the keys, her character grabbing a sniper rifle and two clips of ammo. "Yes. The cliff is not meant to be accessed, but I can use a hidden path to get there," she explained her strategy to Blake. "From there I have a clear vantage point into the window of their base. Most of the time they spawn in the rear areas and have to pass the window to leave, making them easy targets."

Blake scrunched her nose and locked up as Weiss knelt down and zoomed in her scope. "Can they shoot back?"

"Yes, but if I'm quick enough they won't get the chance. Don't worry. The only problem that will pop up is when I need to go back for more ammunition," Weiss looked at her ammo counter. "But there is a lot I can do with twenty-six rounds."

"I wasn't worried. I just thought that it is kind of unfair."

Weiss snorted. "Blake, if it was unfair, the game's designers wouldn't let me do it."

"What about using that glitch to get yourself on the top of the tower last game, to shoot them as they came down the ship ramp?"

"Sloppy programming. Am I to be held responsible for shoddy work?"

"Still seems kind of unfair."

"Now you're sounding like Sunny_BombShell," Weiss smiled softly. "I like to think I'm pushing her to try harder. She's one of my favourite opponents for the last couple of weeks. And she almost got me last game. Perhaps in another week's time she may finally be able to kill me."

"Do you really think so?"

Weiss saw a red trooper pass the window and clicked to fire, watching the head of Sunny_BombShell explode as the announcer declared her first kill of the game.

"Maybe."


	7. Generic Magical Girl Tropes

**Chapter 07: Generic Magical Girl Tropes**

It has finally come to this. She spent months preparing for, and/or postponing this important moment, but it was still one of the few situations where Blake Belladonna, former member of the White Fang and now proud member of Team RWBY, didn't know what to do. There was no turning back now for the hidden faunus. Here she was, standing in her dorm room, surrounded by the five people she called her best friends (the rest of her team as well as the NP from Team JNPR), and about to reveal her second biggest secret (she would never show anyone her browser history) to them.

"So... what's the matter, Blake? What's so important that you wanted to meet us all here after school?" Yang Xiao-Long finally broke the silence.

Blake took a deep breath. "Alright. Girls, what I'm about to tell you is something very big and important. So big, in fact, that it might affect our relationship forever. Once it has been said nothing will be as it was."

"Can you then please stop beating around the bush and tell us?" Weiss Schnee interjected bluntly, crossing her arms over her chest.

Blake took another deep breath. "Here it goes... girls, I'm a magical girl!"

Silence reigned over the group again.

("_I'd hoped for at least a gasp.")  
_

Blake had predicted that far and continued. "It started a few months ago, when I discovered that I'm the reincarnation of an ancient princess, which fled from the moon after its destruction. I wanted to use my powers for good, so I became... 'Huntress Moon' and started to fight crime."

"Huh...," Ruby Rose hummed.

"Yes, I know it can be a lot to take in at first, but I'm sure we can work around that. I just couldn't stand keeping any more secrets, and I never understood that 'protect your loved ones by lying to them' cliché anyway, so-"

"No, what I meant was 'Wow, that's all?'. I expected a bit more when you said 'mind-blowing news'. And your back-story is basically non-existing... and 'Huntress Moon'?"

Blake looked down at the floor, obviously embarrassed. "... I'm not good with names."

"This DOES explain some things," Pyrrha Nikos spoke up next.

* * *

Blake and her friends were hanging around the statue in front of Beacon, doing nothing in particular. Blake got a message on her scroll and looked at it.

"Uhh... guys, I... just remembered I left something in the class room, so... I have to go now. Bye!" Blake hastily said before running away.

* * *

"In retrospect, it was kinda obvious," Nora Valkyrie added, throwing herself on Weiss' bed.

"At least tell us you're not wearing one of those ridiculous outfits while fighting crime," Weiss added her own two (polished) Lien, looking at the ginger head in distain.

"Of course I got one, it's a mainstay, after all. I usually use my magic to teleport the clothes on my body when I need them. I have someone that makes the outfits for me. She's an old spider faunus who already made a costume for my mo-," Blake did a double-take. "Wait, wait, wait, what's going on? This is getting way too casual. I just revealed to you that I not only have mysterious magic powers, but also that I'm risking my life on a weekly basis fighting criminals. Everyone but me should be freaking out right now. It's like all of you have experience in that kind of stuff, too."

An embarrassing silence came over the group as every girl tried to avoid looking into each other's eyes.

"Please, don't tell me I just hit bull's-eye...," Blake groaned, unsure of her own suspicions.

"Hehe... good one, Blake. It was just... uh... very obvious in your case, Blake, you know, like, 'most likely to secretly be a superhero'," Ruby laughed sheepishly.

"I mean, just imagine Yang or me in one of these frilly dresses," Nora added, sweating profusely.

"Or me and Weiss fighting criminals," Pyrrha smiled nervously.

"What would be the odds of more than one secret superhero per group?" Yang threw in.

Weiss just continued avoiding everyone's gazes.

Nobody was very convincing.

Silence fell over the group again. A heavy silence. It weighed down on each girl. The pressure was rising with every second. It wouldn't take long for one of them to break.

"GIRLS! I'M A MAGICAL GIRL!" Pyrrha blurted out before covering her mouth.

Everyone gasped.

("_Why does she get a gasp?")  
_

Most of the girls were at a loss of words. Except for Nora, kinda. "You?! But when? Or why? And how didn't we notice?"

She thought about her last question for a moment.

* * *

"Uhh... guys, I... just remembered I left something in the class room, so... I have to go now. Bye!" Blake hastily said before running away.

"Uhmm… I actually need to go now, too. I... uhmm... left Mílo in the wrong locker," Pyrrha ran off, too.

* * *

Nora couldn't come up with an answer.

Pyrrha pulled out a red-and-golden device whose shape resembled one of those older scrolls. "Well, one day I found this shining box at home, and in it was this card commune. Although, it actually is Leonidas, a fairy from the Garden of Light, and I use this device to become 'Cure Sparta'."

She opened the card commune, revealing the face of a tiny, red and golden coloured, lion-like creature in it. And then it started talking, in a surprisingly deep voice. "Hello, my name is Leonidas. It's a pleasure to meet you. Miss Nikos told me much about of you."

"Together with Cure Knight, we are Pretty Cure," Pyrrha continued. "We've been tasked to protect this realm as well as the Garden of Light from the dark creatures of the Dotsuku Zone. Also, we kinda become stronger the closer we two become."

"Wow, this does sound kinda awesome."

"I never would have expected that from you."

"So... which secret comes next?" Blake asked.

"W-Well... I lived with a dragon maid, and my twin sister is a vampire-"

"Wait, Pyrrha, I didn't mean you (although these sound interesting). I meant the others. I've got the feeling we two aren't the only ones with secret identities."

"C-Come on, Blake. D-Don't you go a bit too far assuming-"

"SIGH!"

A dramatic sigh interrupted Ruby. Everyone turned to its source, Nora. She sighed again for dramatic effect. Then she grabbed something fro her skirt and pulled out a strange staff (don't question it, just accept). It was completely pink and about one meter in length. The top of the staff is shaped like a sloth's head with red gems for eyes, as well as tiny wings on the back.

"Girls, I'm a magical girl."

Everyone gasped.

("_She too?")  
_

"One day I just found this weird book in a basement and maybe accidentally released those magical clow cards and scattered them around the town. No biggie. And now their winged guardian-sloth (who was totally sleeping on his job, by the way) forces me to capture them all again, so they don't cause too much chaos."

"And I guess you're wearing some stupid get-up too?" Weiss asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I actually don't have a cute outfit that poofs into existence when I need it," Nora grinned at the heiress. "So instead I usually secretly borrow fitting outfits from you."

"Oh, that's- wait, what?!"

"Only a few of them," Nora defended herself. "And it's not like you've been wearing any of them lately."

"Geez, it's not like there could be a reason for this, right, Weiss?" Blake's voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"Well... it's also because...," Weiss looked down at the floor embarrassed. "... Junketsu doesn't like it when I wear other dresses." At the confused looks of the others she continued. "Girls, I'm a magical girl."

Everyone gasped.

("_It has been obvious for the last three minutes.")  
_

Weiss took off her school uniform, revealing a second outfit under it. At first glance it looked like a navy-blue sailor uniform, but the design is noticeably more militaristic and regal than normal uniforms, with a high collar, shoulder epaulets and gold adornments along the sides.

"This is 'Junketsu'. He's a uniform completely made out of a special thread, called Life Fiber, that gives its wearer superhuman abilities. I use him to fight others with similar uniforms and prevent my father from taking over the world. Oh, and of course Junketsu can also talk, although only I'm able to hear him," she finished with a smile.

The others shared some worried glances. "And you're wearing him all the time since you got him?" Blake asked.

"Except for sleeping, yes, I do. But don't worry I'm washing him every day, which he really enjoys." Only now the others seemed to notice the nervous twitching in her eyes.

Blake inched closer to Weiss' outfit. "Ehh... Junketsu, was it... maybe you should let Weiss wear something else from time to time, or else she might have a mental breakdown," she half-whispered into his... sleeve.

For a moment it seemed that Weiss was listening to Junketsu. "He said he'll swallow his pride and let me wear other clothes if it is for my well being," she told the others. She looked like a huge burden fell off her shoulders.

The group took a moment to enjoy helping their friend. Then Blake turned to Ruby and Yang. "Who wants to go next?"

Silence.

Blake looked deep in her team leader's eyes. "How about you, Ruby?"

"W-W-What m-makes you think I-I'm k-k-keeping a s-secret from you all?" Ruby stammered out.

Everyone raised an eyebrow.

"I'm j-just as s-surprised as y-you that all m-my friends are m-magical s-super heroes," Ruby stuttered.

"Wow, you're a bad liar. How did we never notice?" Blake mused, ignoring the now profusely sweating reaper.

Nora thought about that.

* * *

"Uhh... guys, I... just remembered I left something in the class room, so... I have to go now. Bye!" Blake hastily said before running away.

"Uhmm... I actually need to go now, too. I... uhmm… left Mílo in the wrong locker," Pyrrha ran off, too.

"Oh, yes, I actually have to go and... work on my essay," Weiss added before walking away.

"Aaaaand I forgot I have training," Yang sprinted away.

"I'm hungry," Nora decided for a quick walk.

"You're the only one left, Ruby," a squeaky voice came from her red cloak.

Ruby looked around for confirmation. "Oh, you right. Well, that's mighty convenient."

* * *

"Beats me," Nora answered.

Ruby felt cornered. Just when she wanted to try and talk herself out of this situation again, a squeaky voice spoke to her from her cloak.

"It's okay, Ruby, you can tell them."

"I-If ya say so, alright."

It only took a second for Ruby to compose herself.

"Girls, I'm a magical girl," she now proudly announced.

Everyone gasped.

("_Inferiority complex rising...")  
_

Ruby whirled her trademark cloak, revealing a small fairy-like creature under it. It was red with black dots and had features similar to that of a ladybug. It flew down into Ruby's open hands, sat down and smiled and waved at the other girls.

"This is Tikki," she started. "She's the Kwami of my Miraculous, the Ladybug Cape. It turns me into 'Ladybug' to fight bad guys, like Nevermore Moth, who turns normal people into super villains with his Akumas. Oh, and there's also that Cat Noir guy that helps me."

"I actually always wanted to ask why you're wearing it everywhere," Weiss pointed out.

"Yeah, it gives me superpowers and my 'Lucky Charm' ability," she let out a whistle. "Wow, it feels good to finally get this off my chest. Now, Yang, only you're left. What's your secret?"

Ruby looked up to her sister, who at some point had made herself comfortable on a chair.

"If everyone's already come clean, I can do as well. But you won't hear from me something like 'Girls, I'm a magical girl'..."

Everyone gasped.

("_Now you guys are just messing with me.")  
_

"No frilly dresses for me either," Yang said smugly. "All I need for epic battles is my [Stand]. It's some kind of manifestation of your fighting spirit with super powers. I could try to show you, but most of the time only [Stand] users can see other [Stands]."

A ghostly figure seemed to come out of Yang. It was vaguely humanoid in nature, but had draconic wings on its back, burning hair and was grinning savagely, showing of its razor-sharp teeth.

"Uhh... please tell me that your 'Stand' is that thing behind you, that looks like a dragon-version of you?" Ruby asked, slightly terrified.

"Oh, you can see it? Cool, saves me some explaining. So yeah, that's my [Stand - Sun Dragon], it allows me to create and control fire."

"Shouldn't you question how we're able to see it?" Pyrrha asked.

"If there's one thing you should learn about stands, Py, accept that it just works."

"So... was that everyone?" Blake asked.

"As long as it doesn't turn out Zwei is a secret agent or something, I think so," Ruby joked.

Blake shuddered. "Come on, that would be ridiculous. But... hey, where IS Zwei?"

The girls looked around the room for the Rose/Xiao-Long family dog. They didn't notice the corgi in a brown fedora flying past the window in a hover car.

Ruby stopped the search after a few minutes. "He'll probably find back as always. He's a smart dog."

Blake sat down on a free chair. "Alright, let's recap: I came here today with the intention to say to you 'Girls, I'm a magical girl'...," she paused. No reactions. "But it turned out each of us has super powers, and somehow we managed to go out of each other's ways enough to not notice anything. I personally never heard anything of Life Fibers or ladybugs or stands."

A message on her scroll stopped her. She quickly looked what it said. Then she addressed her friends again. "Oh, I... eh... have to go now. Important school assignment that...," she noticed the inquisitive stares of her friends. Then she face-palmed. "Right... apparently some half-naked guy in shorts and mask is causing havoc in Vale. I have to stop him before civilians get hurt."

Before Blake reached the door, Ruby grabbed her by the wrist. "Wait, Blake! This sounds like an akumatized villain. I'm the only that can purify it. Ladybug should go!"

"Wait, Ruby!" Weiss voiced her concerns. "This sounds more like someone with a Life Fiber uniform, which only Junketsu and I can destroy. I should go!"

"Wait, it's obviously a [Stand], and that makes it my job. I've been itching for a good fight anyways," Yang threw in.

"Okay, first we have to sort this out," Pyrrha halted everyone. "We don't want to end up sabotaging each other, now that we know our secret identities. Somehow this worked before and somehow we have to make it work now."

"Or we could work together as a team!" Nora added.

"Come on, Nora, that's... that's actually a good idea," Blake mused. "What do you guys think?"

"It makes sense. That way we could cover more ground with our diverse abilities," Weiss observed.

"Tikki has no problems with it."

"I wanted to fight with someone other than Cure Knight for some time..."

"Alright then, let's go Team PNBWRY (Punberry)!" cheered Yang.

"Ok, we have to think of a team name later," Blake mused, walking to the door.

"Hey, don't ignore me!"

The girls left the room one after another.

* * *

\- 5 minutes ago-

Cardin's life hasn't been easy for him in the past few months. Since he got busted for black-mailing that whiny wimp Jaune, it was a terrible downward spiral.

But this all changed last week, when he meet a scary looking red-claded woman, who was willing to teach him something called [Stand] in trade for a favour. Something about testing her daughter?

As he walked to their usual meeting place, he noticed a strange card lying on the ground. Curious, he picked it up, just to get himself a paper cut. Cursing, Cardin nursed the wound, as suddenly the blood was sucked up by his clothes. As he waved his arm around in panic, a butterfly-like creature landed on his mace and two shadows raised up from the ground and engulfed him.

With one last scream, Cardin was gone. In his place stood now someone else:

'Mace Swinger'.

Grinning, he flexed his muscles, admiring his new body. So much power...

Rampaging through the town seems like the logical thing to do now, right?

* * *

\- In the present -

Laughing, the transformed Cardin smashed his mace into another car, sending it flying after a fleeing crowd.

Turning around, he looked for his next target...

But Mace Swinger's progress was stopped by the sudden appearance of six girls (at least half of them in ridiculous costumes) before him.

The first one had black hair, and was wearing a black and white sailor uniform. She's was expertly whirling a gun-sickle between her fingers.

The 'outfit' of the white-haired one barely covered her chest and waist, with only a bit of white armour protecting her modesty. She was currently shifting into a fencers pose, pointing her rapier directly at him.

The small girl next to her was the complete opposite, a red bodysuit and cape with black dots covering her entire body. An enormous scythe and a domino mask with the same colour-themes completed her ensemble.

Then there was the red-haired girl in what looked like a red and golden short dress, holding a spear and a shield in her hands.

The last two ones were different though.

Cardin decided to address them first. "Where're your costumes?"

"Come on, I'm too cool for that stuff," the girl with the golden (and burning?) hair replied, casually pushing her orange sunglasses up, her golden gauntlets reflecting the light.

"And I didn't have enough time to steal- uhh... borrow one," was the ginger head's answer, twirling a short staff between her fingers, wearing a pair of sunglasses as well (pink in her case). With a final swirl, the staff extended to a huge hammer.

"Alright, evil villain," the first one spoke up. "We are here to stop you and your... evil plans in the name of the love... and friendship... and... and... does anyone else want to take over? I usually don't do that speech-stuff..."

The replies were shrugs and head-shakes.

She sighed. "Let's just skip right to the battle. So... any suggestions what to do?"

More shrugs.

"Hey, beefcake!" the blonde shouted over. "Do you have a [Stand]? And if yes, what does it do? That'd make things much easier!"

"Even if I had one, why would I tell you my powers?" Mace Swinger shouted back in annoyance.

"Well, that's everything I could do, I have no more ideas."

"We can't just give up! What do you usually do in this situation?" Huntress Moon addressed her friends.

"I usually just have to destroy the object with the Akuma in it," Ladybug responded.

"And in my case it's enough to destroy the uniform with my special attack," Weiss answered.

"I usually just kick ass. Also that's a very good look for you, Weiss-cream," Yang chuckled.

Weiss and Ruby blushed, the former squirming in embarrassment.

"Ehm... I'm not sure if I can even help in this situation," Cure Sparta noted sheepishly.

"Why not fire all of our attacks at once?" Nora suggested.

"Nora, that's... actually a good idea, again. Alright, let's-," Huntress Moon turned to face the villain.

"... Where is he?"

She turned around, where Mace Swinger was causing havoc again. She groaned. "Let's just catch him, girls, alright?"

* * *

\- Across the street -

A boy in a black cat suit landed on the sidewalk. Cat Noir may have been late for this week's villain, but he hoped he could still help Ladybug. He looked around. He spotted the villain. He spotted Ladybug. He spotted... five other girls fighting alongside her?

"... Does this mean I'm not needed?" he voiced his thoughts.

"Hey you, cat boy, over here!"

Cat Noir turned in the direction of the voice and saw a weird group of characters sitting together outside a café.

"... Can somebody tell me what's going on?"

A young man spoke up, holding his cup up. "Let me guess, you just came here and were surprised to see your partner fighting with some other girls you don't know?"

Cat Noir nodded, absentmindedly noting that the man was wearing a skirt.

"Happened to us, too. We decided to make the best out of it and enjoy this. By the way, you can call me Cure Knight. I belong to the red-haired one with the spear."

"They seem competent enough to handle it themselves," a rabbit faunus with camera added, as she took a sip of her tea.

An older man was sipping from a flask, a giant humanoid being with black wings silently floating behind him.

"So, do you think this'll be a one time thing, or should we worry?" a white-haired woman in a VERY revealing outfit asked, petting a small yellow-furred monkey.

"[**Moonlight** **Lucky Marble**** [Fire] ****Soshitsu Shot!**]

A big rainbow explosion shook the streets causing the eyes of several viewers to go wide.

"... You know what, I'll take a tea...," Cat Noir responded, pushing a pink strand of hair out of his face.

"Give me a break," the man and Cure Knight said at the same time.

* * *

Ruby Rose = Ladybug / Lie Ren = Cat Noir - _(Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir)_

Weiss Schnee = Junketsu / Winter Schnee = Senketsu - (_Kill la Kill)_

Blake Belladonna = Sailor Moon / Sun Wukong = Luna -_ (Sailor Moon)_

Yang Xiao-Long / Qrow Branwen / Raven Branwen -__ (JoJo's Bizzare Adventure)__

Zwei = Perry the Platypus - __(____Phineas and Ferb)__

Pyrrha Nikos / Jaune Arc _\- (Pretty Cure)_

Nora Valkyrie = Sakura Kinomoto / Velvet Scarlatina = Tomoyo Daidouji _\- (Cardcaptor Sakura) _


	8. Princess Jaune

**Chapter 08: Princess Jaune**

The first thing Jaune Arc knew was softness.

And then he knew pain.

It was slight - more of a small discomfort - and it lingered deep beyond the tender warmth and delicious plushness like a lone buoy in the fog.

And it was in his right butt cheek.

And yet, that wasn't what woke him. There was an itch on his lips, one that he wasn't aware had existed, but had been extinguished forthright by the application of something warm, tender and loving. It was moreover the relief of that 'itch' being scratched that drew him from his slumber, so that the minor irritation in his posterior drew closer to the surface of the waking moment, morphing into a persistent throbbing annoyance.

And then - upon the crest of entering a bright and living world - he heard voices piercing that very same fog, tickling his ears with their feminine gaiety.

"Oooh! Lookie! He's starting to wake up! What did I tell you girls?! Huh? HUH?!"

"Well, I'll be damned. Maybe you WERE onto something, Nora."

"Shhhh! Just wait! Hee-hee-heeeeee! His eyes are opening!"

Sure enough, Jaune's eyes fluttered open, blue and vibrant and searching. He was lying with his back down flat on the softest substance in the known universe, his hands crossed over his chest.

A ceiling was just two feet away from his face and chest.

His eyes narrowed. "What..."

As he breathed... as he spoke, he realized that his lips felt unbelievably glossy. He licked them and he tasted virgin-sweet cherries.

"... the..."

Something was weighing against his bangs. He brought a sleepy hand up, feeling the sharp metal points of a golden tiara. It was then that he realized a long pink sleeve of immaculate silk was daintily clinging to his wrist.

"... actual..."

He tilted his crowned head up ever so slightly. In the dim light of whatever room he was in, he noticed that he was clad in the finest threads from head to toe. Finely-embroidered flower-pink silk formed a tight bodice that flared out in a lengthy skirt. He found it difficult to breathe, a testament to a narrow corset lingering beneath the finely-woven textures of roses and thorns that enshrouded his forced-hourglass figure. The collar was white, pronounced, and completed the whole ensemble. Jaune's toes twitched, and he realized that his feet were clad in ruby slippers. He moved his legs slightly - again, he felt the growingly sharp pain in his rear end. But more than that, he heard an unmistakable chiff-chiff-chiffing sound with each movement of his lower limbs... which belied countless petticoats lingering beneath the skirt. As his senses absorbed the enormity of the outfit his sleeping figure had been sarcophagus'd in, he realized that he had to have been wearing lace panties and a brassiere beneath it all to boot.

"... fuck?"

The poor young man was running out of room to store all his ellipses, so it was good thing that a familiar voice spoke up from his immediate right.

"Good morning, Your Royal Highness!" Nora Valkyrie chirped, as hyper and happy as ever.

Jaune turned to look her way, blinking like the innocent cherub that he was.

"Okay... like... soooooo...," Nora's upper torso was looming just beyond the edge of the bed, showing him that she was standing atop a ladder. "... You know how you catch the hint that one of your best friends might actually have been a celebrity all this time, and you're not certain exactly how to go about testing it?"

Jaune took a deep breath... as afforded through the corset. He smelled lilacs and lavender. Was he wearing perfume? Again, he licked those lips, and asked the topmost important question lingering atop the plush absurdity of that moment:

"Why does my butt hurt?"

"So I kinda, sorta, may have gotten all of the girls in on this, and I've got to say...!" Nora grinned brightly enough to illuminate the whole place. "It's paid back big time! We're gonna have a coronation for youuuuuu!"

Before Jaune could respond-

"Well...," a voice grunted, rising up towards the ceiling from the left side of the bed. "... First thing's first, Nora."

Jaune looked the other way, his tiara rattling.

Weiss Schnee climbed up into view, standing on another ladder. She caught her breath and flipped through a clipboard full of notes. "We have to take into account the fact that 'Charming Experiments' #1-33 proved to be inconclusive."

"Yeah, but #34 worked, didn't it?!" Nora squeaked. "It says a lot about the first thirty-three, but nothing about Jauney!"

"Well, I suppose you do have a point there," Weiss looked squarely at Team JNPR's leader and gave him a firm nod. "Good morning, Jaune."

He nodded back at her. "Why does my butt hurt?"

"You hear that?!" Nora practically lunged across the bed, ladder tipping precariously, and shook Weiss' shoulders. "I said: "Didja hear that?!"!"

"Nora! Careful!" Weiss hissed, reaching back over Jaune's dressed-up body to steady both of them. "It's a long way down!"

"Why does my butt hurt?" Jaune was practically whimpering by now.

"Ahem...," Nora grasped the edge of the bed like an excited kitten and smiled at him. "Specifically where on your tushie, Jauney?"

"Yes, Jaune," Weiss repeated in a serious monotone. "Please be as precise as possible. This is important."

"I... uh...," he brought a useless hand down to the bustle of his silk-pink gown. "... I guess towards the right a bit..."

"'Towards the right' where?" Weiss' brow furrowed. "Closer towards the tailbone or the sphincter?"

"Is it deep cheek or shallow cheek?!" Nora squawked.

"I... uh...," Jaune Arc fidgeted, staring up at the ceiling again, pondering if perhaps the softness he was feeling against each nipple came from a series of girly-scented handkerchiefs stuffed into his bra. "I... guess its closer towards the tailbone... but more to the right?"

"HAH!" Nora practically burst, pointing a victorious finger at Weiss. "I KNEW it! Jot that down in your noteclypedialmanacitionariography!"

"Incredible...," Weiss murmured, scribbling a pen across a sheet or two. "... And this was after only thirty-two hours."

"Actually..."

Footsteps. Blake Belladonna climbed up another ladder beside Weiss. Adjusting her fake glasses, she plinked away at a calculator and stated: "...Twenty-nine and a half hours."

Weiss squinted at the other bedside girl. "How do you figure?"

"Well...," Blake squinted back. "...The first two and a half hours were spent waiting for the chloroform in the scented candles to have their effect. Technically just the first hour and a half, if you think about it. The rest was spent in putting on gas masks and bringing him here."

"You...," Jaune grimaced, glancing back and forth between the three women. "...You gassed me?"

"Oh, and don't forget how long it took to carry him up to the top of this stack!" Nora added. "Took me and Yang all week to get the other students to sign the petition to lend us their mattresses! But only the feather-filled kind! Still... we did manage to get twenty of them in time for 'Operation Yankee Konked-Out'!"

"Good thing you remembered to place the pea beneath the bottom mattress before we got him here," Weiss sighed with a slight blush. "I can't believe I nearly forgot that variable."

"Actually, it's an ice-cream sprinkle, remember?" Blake answered. "But we decided to overlook this detail in order to maintain the theme."

"Peas?" Jaune stammered.

Nora lunged her smiling face against his nose, causing her ladder to rock again. "YOU'RE A PRINCESS, YA GORGEOUS GOOFUS!" A wink. "You felt a single ice-cream sprinkle through twenty rows of feather mattresses! So congratulations all around!"

"Uhhhhh...," Jaune tilted his head over the side of the 'bed'... and noticed that he was nearly thirty feet off the floor. "Uhhhhhhhhhhhh..."

"What should we serve at the coronation...?" Nora tapped her chin. "... Hmmmmm... would orange sherbet be too plebeian for a 'Welcome Princess Jaune Arc' party? I mean, we all know he likes the stuff, but at some point a member of royalty has to play face for dignity's sake."

"What dignity?" Blake asked with a smirk. "I think he lost it a while ago."

"Did you hear back from the others?" Weiss asked, grinning devilishly. "Are they almost finished with the ball gown?"

"Ball... gown...?" Jaune wheezed.

"Oh, you'll cry so many happy tears once you see it, Jauney! Your mascara will run!" Nora waved a girlish hand. "Maximum poof!"

"Hold on a second...," Blake raised a finger, attracting the others' attention. "... We're forgetting about the extra variable."

"Riiiiiiiiiiight!" Nora nodded, rocking playfully back and forth on her dangerously tall ladder. "'The Charming Experiments'!" she raspberried. "Plllbb! Inconclusive! Pea the Sprinkle has given us all we need to know!"

"But they're not inconclusive!" Weiss chimed in. "Let us not forget that it took Number Thirty-Four to finally wake him up!"

"Yeah!" Nora nodded. "But only because you insisted!"

"Well..."

"And he didn't wake up immediately! It was about thirty seconds after Thirty-Four climbed down!"

"Well, to be fair...," Blake folded her arms. "We did use a lot of chloroform."

"Hmmmmm...," Nora nodded. "True. True."

"Wait a second...," Jaune tried sitting up on the plush-plush stack of mattresses. Clang! His tiara rattled loudly against the barn's ceiling beam, so he laid back down, wheezing through his corset. "Thirty... four...?"

"Oh... uh... yeah...," Blake blushed suddenly. "We needed to know conclusively that you were a princess. So it was Ruby's suggestion that we perform the 'Charming Experiments'. And, for a while there, they didn't prove fruitful."

"Uhhhh..."

"Here...," Weiss fished through her skirt pocket, produced her scroll and fingered her way into the gallery folder. "I'll show you." She held the scroll out for Jaune and the other two girls to see. "We started the first experiment on the fourth hour-"

The scroll footage showed Yang Xiao-Long dragging an unconscious Jaune Arc through the floors by his legs.

"No, no," Blake shook her head. "That's too soon."

"Oh. My apologies," Weiss swiped the scroll. "So, in the fourth hour-"

A pair of lacy white panties were slowly being slid up Jaune's nubile legs by a furiously blushing Pyrrha Nikos.

"Still too soon!" Nora sang.

"Gah!" Weiss gnashed her teeth, swiping several more times. "I need to tweak the sensitivity of this thing..."

Blake tied a corset behind the teenage boy's back.

"No."

Perfume was being sprinkled generously against his hairless chest and shoulders by Nora.

"No."

Lipstick was being applied to his mouth by a giggling Ruby Rose.

"Still no."

"Maybe it's on another memory card?" Blake asked, holding up several 32GB cards in her palm.

"Here it is!" Weiss triumphantly proclaimed. As she now held up the scroll, it showed a resigned Lie Ren climbing up the ladder, standing next to Jaune's prone figure and leaning over him. "So... the first participant for the 'Charming Experiment' was Ren."

Jaune starred with wide eyes at the tiny screen, his face reddening.

Weiss flicked the screen, and another young man was climbing the ladder to kiss him. "We let Cardin be #2. He somehow found out about the experiment, and he volunteered right away."

She flicked again.

"Then Yatsuhashi was #3. We had to lend him three ladders just to get up to the top mattress."

Another flick.

"With Russel and Sky at #4 and #5, we were starting to notice a pattern - or, dare I say - a lack of a pattern."

"None of them were princely enough to wake you from your 'magical slumber'!" Nora said with a pout.

"Soooooooo, we got a bit desperate," Weiss said, swiping several times. "That's why Cardin was #6... and #12...," she squinted as she continued to flick through the files. "And #24. Huh, he really did volunteer a lot, didn't he?"

Jaune reddened even more.

"So Yang got the bright idea of calling in Fox," Nora said with a bright grin. "We had to get permission from Coco first, though. She seemed okay with it. Even filmed it together with Velvet from another ladder. See?" She took the scroll from Weiss' hand and holds it closer to Jaune, displaying a handsome dark-skinned figure leaning over, scooping the boy's past self up in two strong arms. "Fox... uh... took his time at #33. About ten minutes, to be exact."

"I clocked it at fifteen and twenty seconds," Blake said, licking her lips.

"Sure. Whatever," Weiss sighed, staring lethargically across the mattress and petticoats. "I'm not particularly thrilled that #34 turned out to be the conclusive variable, but somehow it's not entirely surprising."

"How could it be?!" Nora grinned. "I'm telling ya, Weiss-cream! He's the sole remaining prince of Remnant! Of course he'd be the one to wake Jauney from his slumber!"

"Uhhh...," Jaune, red as a beet at this point, could only squirm. "... Who?"

Just then, the sound of a door opening and closing was heard, followed by footsteps echoing from a fourth ladder. Light-blue hair rose into view, followed shortly by a suave smile.

"Aaaaaaaaaand I'm back!" Neptune Vasilias purred. "And I brought lip balm this time! Soooooo...," he smoothed his hair back, smiling slyly. "... Shall we get rolling with #35? Or is it against the rules to go twice in a row?"

A beat. He blinked at the thoroughly-conscious Jaune Arc. "Oh! She's... awake..."

"Yes," Weiss frowned, arms folded as tight as adamantine. "HE is."

Neptune blinked again. "Huh..."

Silence.

"Whelp!" he climbed back down, clearing his throat. "Think I'll go back to... uh... helping Pyrrha with the dress! She's oddly into it. Humming, too."

"If she doesn't need you, ask Ruby or Yang if they need help with the preparation of the ball room!" Blake shouted after his retreating form, getting a salute in response.

The girls exchanged glances, and then looked down at the occupant of the top mattress.

"Question, Jauney," Nora asked curiously. "Would you like your slippers made of glass or sequins?"

"I'll think about it," he coughed, then glanced at Weiss. "Do you have any more of that chloroform?"


	9. The SCP Foundation of Remnant

**Chapter 09: The SCP Foundation of Remnant  
**

The Special Containment Procedure Foundation is entrusted by the governments around the globe to contain and study anomalous individuals, entities, locations, objects and phenomena operating outside the bounds of natural law (referred to as 'SCP objects'). If left uncontained, the objects would pose a direct threat to humanity's perceptions of reality and normalcy.

The existence of SCPs is withheld from the public to prevent mass panic and to allow human civilization to function normally. When an SCP is discovered, the SCP Foundation deploys agents either to collect and transport the SCP to a Foundation facility, or to contain it at its location of discovery if transport is not possible. Once SCPs are contained, they are studied by Foundation scientists.

The SCP Foundation maintains documentation for all of the SCPs in its custody, which can include or link to related reports and files. These documents describe the SCPs and include instructions for keeping them safely contained.

* * *

**WARNING**

THE FOUNDATION DATABASE IS

**CLASSIFIED**

ACCESS BY UNAUTHORIZED PERSONNEL IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED

PERPETRATORS WILL BE TRACKED, LOCATED AND DETAINED

* * *

**Item #: **SCP-4215

**Object Class:** Euclid

**Special Containment Procedures:** Monitoring of SCP-4215 should be conducted through unmanned drones. SCP-4215-2, SCP-4215-3 and SCP-4154-2 are not to be approached by personnel without first requesting permission from SCP-4215. SCP-4215 should be monitored for any signs of unusual behaviour, so that disaster warnings can be issued immediately. Engaging in conversation with SCP-4215 should be avoided at any cost.

**Description:** SCP-4215 resembles a thirty-two (32) centimetres long black and white Corgi.

**History:**

SCP-4215 is currently located on Patch, ████, designated as SCP-4215-1b. SCP-4215 will tolerate the presence of other humans and dogs, but engaging it in conversation on subjects that it dislikes will often result in SCP-4215 ███ the person talking to it. It will often ██ its victims in a drawn-out and prolonged manner - it has been hypothesized that this is a method of retribution rather than a desire for substance.

SCP-4215 has to be accompanied by either SCP-4215-2, SCP-4215-3 or SCP-4154-2 at any given time.

It was first discovered in April ██. ████, inside a roughly hemispherical cavern in the mountain range of Glenn, with an entrance facing south. This formation has been designated as SCP-4215-1a. Occasionally, herds of fallow deer or downs of hares would appear within SCP-4215-1a; SCP-4215 would then consume them. These herds also appeared to be SCP-4215's primary food source.

Until September ██. ████, SCP-4215 never left SCP-4215-1a and exhibited little to no movement, mainly shifting from laying on its back to laying on its side and vice versa.

SCP-4215-1a was located after wanderer found tiny canid footprints leading to SCP-4215-1a, dating back to the ████ epoch. SCP-4215 does not appear to have left SCP-4215-1a till September ██. ████.

Following the second interview (see File SCP-4215; Interview Log 002), SCP-4215 vocally expressed its desire to 'check out what this little fucktards are up to nowadays' and was relocated to SCP-4215-1b. Additionally, SCP-4215-2, SCP-4215-3 and SCP-4154 were assigned to act as observers and guardians for SCP-4215. SCP-4156 will inspect SCP-4215-1b in irregular intervals.

During the first interview (see File SCP-4215; Interview Log 001) SCP-4215 called itself 'Zwei'.

* * *

**Update 01: **As of October ██. ████, SCP-4154-2 has been added to the watch/guard list.

* * *

**Annotation: **SCP-4156 has been chosen due to his close relationship with SCP-4215-2, SCP-4215-3, SCP-4154 and SCP-4154-2, and by recommendation of SCP-0.

_(Note by Director: I have no problem with sending this asshole, but at least TRY to keep him sober during work!)_

* * *

**Update 02a: **SCP-4154-2 seems to be SCP-4215's favourite observer/guardian, followed by SCP-4215-3, SCP-4154, SCP-4215-2 and SCP-4156 in this respective order.

**Update 02b: **SCP-4215 has shown to have a weakness for belly scratches and turkey.

**Update 02c: **SCP-4154 has been removed from the watch/guard list due to [**WARNING**: THE FOLLOWING FILE IS LEVEL 4 CLASSIFIED. ANY ATTEMPT TO ACCESS THIS FILE WITHOUT LEVEL 4 AUTHORIZATION WILL BE PUNISHED].

**Update 02d: **SCP-4215, SCP-4215-3 and SCP-4154-2 have been relocated to Beacon, Vale. SCP-4215 and SCP-4154-2 are now under the watch of SCP-0.

_(Note by Director: Did that idiot really send SCP-4215 with the fucking mail?!)_

**Update 02e: **SPC-4215-4 and SPC-4215-5 have been added to the watch/guard list.

* * *

The full repertoire of SCP-4215 abilities is still an unknown, but it has shown to posses immense strength, speed, durability, intelligence and the capability of human speech.

* * *

**Update 03: **During incident SPC-4154-2C, SCP-4215 has shown an immense resistance to fire and heat. Further questioning and testing warranted.

* * *

**Audio/Visual Log from Interview 001:**

**Interviewer: **Dr. Rosewood

**Interviewed: **SCP-4215

**Date of Interview: **September ██. ████

**Information:** SCP-4215 had remained awake for two (2) months. This was the longest period of wakefulness exhibited by SCP-4215 since its discovery. Previous times had been far shorter in duration - usually three (3) to six (6) days. Contact was initiated in hopes of gaining coherent information about SCP-4215. It is of note that SCP-4215's eyes were closed when Dr. Rosewood approached.

**\- BEGIN AUDIO/VISUAL LOG -**

**Dr. Rosewood:** Hello!

**SCP-4215:** Who dares to wake me from my slumber?!

**Dr. Rosewood:** I'm... Dr. Rosewood. I'm an envoy. We're looking to learn more about you. Who you are.

**SCP-4215: **Mmmm. You deign to forget me, ZWEI, Beast of Destruction and Terror, bane of prey-things, father of all? Hmmph. I suppose it is to be expected.

_(__Dr. Rosewood enters the cave. SCP-4215 opens his eyes and sees __Dr. Rosewood.)_

**SCP-4215:** Er... well, this is unexpected. You surprise me - a rare and worthy feat! Name your species, mortal?

**Dr. Rosewood: **Human.

**SCP-4215:** Ha! Last time I saw you, your kind was cowering in the bushes! I will admit, however, I have always had a special place for you in my heart of hearts - not my absolute favourite creation, of course, but a particularly liked race. It warms me to see you prosper.

******Dr. Rosewood****:** You made us?

**SCP-4215:** Of course!

**Dr. Rosewood:** Thank you?

**SCP-4215:** And yet you appear to have no master. Has the fruit of my loins not conquered you?

**Dr. Rosewood:** Well, er... we've trained them? To help us around the house, and with the herds, and when hunting...

_(SCP-4215's eye opens wider.)_

**SCP-4215:** Wait. You trained them?

**Dr. Rosewood:** That's correct, yes.

_(SCP-4215's fur begins bristling.)_

**SCP-4215:** Oh, fuck no. Fuck. Fucking hell. I'm gonna kill those dumbass canines. Bring me one of my children.

**Dr. Rosewood:** Your children?

**SCP-4215:** You heard me! Here, I'll spell it out for you, you glorified lemur. Bring a dog. Bring me a goddamn dog, or I crush your puny spine!

**\- END AUDIO/VISUAL LOG -**

* * *

**Audio/Visual Log from Interview 002:**

**Interviewer: **Dr. Rosewood

**Interviewed: **SCP-4215

**Date of Interview:** September ██. ████

**Information:** Dr. Rosewood approached SCP-4215 with a German Shepherd (female), a Golden Retriever (male) and a Chihuahua (male).

**\- BEGIN AUDIO/VISUAL LOG -**

**Dr. Rosewood:** SCP-4215! May I come in?

**SCP-4215:** Come on in, you hairless cretin.

**Dr. Rosewood:** I brought the dogs, as requested.

**SCP-4215:** Brilliant. Now shut the hell up. _(SCP-4215 speaks to the German Shepherd.)_ Let me take a look at you.

_(The German Shepherd trots forward.)_

**SCP-4215:** All right, then. Not bad as bad as I thought. Wait. What's the deal with the collar?

_(The German Shepherd does not respond.)_

**SCP-4215:** Are you deaf? Oh. Oh no. Oh, fucking hell.

_(SCP-4215 begins speaking slowly and over-articulating.)_

**SCP-4215:** Can. You. Speak? S-P-E-A-K.

****Dr. Rosewood**:** Speak, Santa!

_(The German Shepherd barks. SCP-4215 places a paw over its eyes.)_

**SCP-4215:** Oh, fucking hell. You let them domesticate you, didn't you? _(SCP-4215 removes its paw and looks closer at the Golden Retriever.)_ What the hell!? You let them castrate you?! They were supposed to be your servants!

****Dr. Rosewood**:** I apologize if we've upseted you?

_(The Chihuahua, which __Dr. Rosewood had still wrapped in blankets, emerges. Upon seeing the Chihuahua, SCP-4215 turns to __Dr. Rosewood.)_

**SCP-4215:** What. The. Fuck. That is not a dog. No way in hell that's a dog... oh, _(sniffs)_ fucking shit fuck, the smell is right. What the hell is that?! What in the fuck did you apes do?!

****Dr. Rosewood**:** _(nervous) _I'm sorry, have I done something wrong?

**SCP-4215:** _(breathing heavily)_ You took. My children. My beautiful children. And bred them to make a squeaking rat! _(SCP-4215 addresses the dogs.) _I make you idiots a great fucking planet. I give you trees, lakes and a shitload of servants. I take a nap for a few fucking millennia, and I wake up a laughingstock. Fuck, I'm never gonna live this down. Fucking smarmy little pricks. _(glaring at the Chihuahua)_ You're a disappointment, you know that?

_(The Chihuahua licks __Dr. Rosewood's face. SCP-4215 glares at __Dr. Rosewood.)_

**SCP-4215:** I never should have given those two idiots thumbs.

_(SCP-4215 remains silent for a few moments.)_

**SCP-4215**: _(sighing)_ What else did I miss?

****Dr. Rosewood**:** _(nervous)_ Well...

**\- END AUDIO/VISUAL LOG -**

* * *

**Additional Information**

Assigned caretakers for SCP-4215:

SCP-4215-2: Taiyang ████

SCP-4215-3: Yang ████

SCP-4215-4: Weiss ████

SCP4215-5: Blake ████

SCP-4154: Summer ████; see File SCP-4154

SCP-4154-2: Ruby ████; see File SCP-4154, Additional

SCP-4156: Qrow ████; see File SCP-4156

SCP-0: ████; see File SCP-0

* * *

_This story was inspired by the SCP Foundation Mythos. _


	10. Yang's Emergency Plans

**Chapter 10: Yang's Emergency Plans**

As it turned out, taking a large number of teens, give them access to highly destructive weaponry and throw them constantly live threatening situations is a horrible idea. Luckily, a certain blonde bombshell came up with a list to improve the situation.

Sort of.

* * *

**Emergency Plans from A to Z **by Yang Xiao Long

_\- 100% foolproof! -_

**A.) Attack: **The to-go solution for pretty much everything

**B.) Blake Belladonna:** Coax Blake to help out _(Bribe her with the newest copy of 'Ninjas of Love')_

**C.) Cookies:** Only works when Ruby is involved_  
_

**D.) Dust:** Such a variety, so many ways to solve the problem _(Violently)_

**E.) Explosion:** Blow the problem up _(My personal favourite!)_

**F.) Fire: **End result of** E.)** _(Burn bitch, burn!)_

**G.) G-String:** Stun the problem with your hot ass

**H.) Hide: **Hide and hope the problem goes away!

**I.) Indecent Exposure:** This will hopefully stun the problem _(One way or another)_

**J.) Jaune Arc:** Throw Jaune at the problem _(Pyrrha will jump in to save him and will deal with the problem at the same time)_

**K.) Kissing: **Works with surprising frequency

**L.) Lap Dance: **If **K.)** doesn't do the trick, this usually does

**M.) Money: **It solves any problem _(Just ask Weiss)_

**N.) Nap: **Sleep on it and see if anybody still cares afterwards

**O.) Octopus:** Natural enemy of any female _(Only works if the problem is female)_

**P.) Punch:** Punch the problem _(Plus points if you can do it with one punch)_

**Q.) Quit:** Give up and go home

**R.) RAMPAGE!:** Let's just break stuff and see if that solves things

**S.) Sexy Pose:** Knock the problem out with your sheer sexiness _(Works best in combination with **I.)** and **L.)**)_

**T.) Tabasco:** A squirt bottle full of hot sauce works wonders

**U.) Understanding:** Attempt to see things from the problems perspective and work out a compromise _(Wanted to write 'Uppercut', but Ruby won the coin-toss)_

**V.) Victory Pose:** Act self-assured and hope the problem buys the bullshit

**W.) Why?!:** Question the universe and/or any higher power you believe in if the first twenty-two plans were dismissed or didn't work

**X.) Xyresic:** Means razor-sharp _(Let your imagination run wild with what this implies)_

**Y.) Yang in there:** Word play of 'Hang in there' _(A positive attitute will give your the strenght to endure the problem)_

**Z.) Zeitgeist:** Burn everything down and get the fuck out of town _(Word chosen because it sounds awesome and it's hard to find something that begins with 'Z')_

* * *

"... For the sake of whatever remains of my sanity, I am not going to think too deeply about this," Weiss deadpanned after reading Yang's _'Emergency Plans'_.


	11. Eternal Suffering

**Chapter 11: Eternal Suffering**

* * *

_"There is no death in the Hell of Uninterrupted Suffering. Ageless immortality itself is the greatest suffering in the universe." - Buddha_

* * *

Remnant.

A world of great beauty, simply unmatched in the endless depths of the cosmos. Endless forests, reaching farther then the eye could see. Majestic mountains, reaching into the sky itself. Enormous seas and oceans of crystal clear water.

A world of magic and mysteries. Of both light and darkness.

And most importantly: flourishing with life.

Or at least, that's how it was a long, long time ago.

But now? Nothing lives here anymore.

Average annual temperature: 2.000°C. Due to the sun's expansion, 80% of the surface is currently covered with magma.

A planet of death and blazing heat: Remnant.

And with the sun being at the end of its Red Giant days, Remnant will be swallowed in a few more years.

_[Red Giant: The end of a sun's evolution. Having used up all hydrogen, the sun accelerates nuclear fusion and expands.]_

And yet, in this harsh environment, there was still one woman who couldn't die, no matter what.

Salem. Currently ~ 4.6 billion years old. Immortal.

After her defeat countless years ago by a ragtag group of teenagers, and the brief return of the brother gods, she was cursed once again, to live until the end of time itself... and beyond.

For aeons, she was imprisoned in the ruins of her old castle, alone and forgotten.

Then 4 billion ago, a massive super meteorite had fallen on Remnant, destroying the entire continent of Sanus.

With a diameter of 60 km and an energy output equivalent to 80 billion nuclear bombs, the impact flung the planet's crust into the stratosphere, which fell back immediately afterwards as a myriad of meteorites, large and small. Magnitude-15 earthquakes and colossal tsunami, thousands of meters in height, caused massive chain-reaction catastrophes throughout the entire world.

Sulphur contained in rocks evaporated, became sulphur oxide gas and poured down as sulphuric acid around the world.

On that Judgement Day, all remaining life on Remnant was extinguished. However, there was still one survivor.

Such is the endless hell of immortality.

* * *

And now, a small eternity later, Remnant was consumed by the expanding sun, and extinguished from the face of the universe.

And then, even the sun neared the end of its life and vanished.

But what of that undying life-form that has now been thrown into space?

Since then, she has been drifting alone in space for over a hundred years. Here, in outer space, a hundred years is so much more terrible compared to a hundred years spent on Remnant.

Temperature: -270 degrees Celsius.

An eternal night without daylight, breathing and talking is impossible, yet even so, she still cannot die.

About 1 over 10 sextillion. That's the probability of arriving on some other planet by chance, if one just floats around aimlessly in space. Furthermore, since the universe is expanding, this probability will get smaller with every passing second.

Though one can see so many stars, space itself is actually pretty empty.

How many hundreds of millions of years more does she has to endure... no, in the first place, when will the universe itself end?

After about a hundred trillion years, all fixed stars in the universe will cease their activities; the universe will be plummeting in literal dark ages.

And then, after three undecillion years more, protons will start decaying, and all matter in the universe will be annihilated.

Yet, the universe will still not end. After further 22*10^88 years, even all remaining black holes would evaporate, and only then SHE would be left behind in this universe.

In the middle of a darkness so black one cannot even see their own bodies, living in a never-ending 'eternity'.

This is the deepest layer of hell, the Hell of Eternal Suffering.


	12. Arrival of a little Rose

**Chapter 12: Arrival of a little Rose**

For what seemed like about the hundredth time that day, Summer Rose sighed to herself as she attempted to get comfortable. She gave another uncomfortable sigh as she rolled onto her back, followed quickly by rolling onto her other side. She squinted her silver eyes at the light from the window, grumbled to herself, and rolled back onto her starting position.

*Knock, Knock*

Summer glanced at the door along the wall across from the foot of the bed. "Come in!"

The door opened revealing Taiyang Xiao-Long. His eyes shined brightly as he looked at his wife. "Hey honey! Just checking up on you since you haven't made a peep since lunch time. How are you feeling?"

The woman narrowed her eyes at her husband. "I'm due any day now and I've done almost nothing but lie in bed for almost two months, and I've had false contractions for the last three!" As if on cue, she winced as a strong pain hit her sides and thighs. She opened her eyes and looked back at her husband. "How do you think I feel, Tai?!"

Taiyang grinned sheepishly as his wife. "Sorry, honey. I'll leave you alone if that's what you want."

"Good, because..."

"I'm just so excited to have another addition to our family!" he said exuberantly.

Summer gave an exasperated sigh. "I know, dear."

"Nine months!" Tai said excitedly. "Can you believe it?!"

Summer rolled her eyes. "Oh, I can believe it, alright!"

Tai frowned slightly before his face quickly erupted in smile once more. "Don't worry honey; once the baby is born it'll have been totally worth it."

"Easy for you to say." she mumbled out as her grumpier expression began to turn grumpier and grumpier. "You haven't had to deal with the cramps, the morning sickness..."

"Uh... sweetie?" Tai asked with a nervous smile.

"... the tenderness between my thighs, the nausea..."

"Erm... darling?"

"... a tiny girl inside of you who just loves to squirm and kick..."

"... Honey?" he said weakly.

"... Oh! And let's not forget the weight that's been hanging off of my stomach making walking harder each day and doing a number on my back!"

"... Uh... are you done?" Tai asked nervously.

Summer scowled at her husband, levelling an accusing finger at him. "You wouldn't last five minutes in my world!"

"Uh... maybe some alone time will..."

"HI MOM!" A little girl, barely three years old, with long, blond hair yelled as she excitedly bounded into the room. "Is the baby here yet?! Is she?! IS SHE?!"

"Uh... Yang?" Tai began "Now's not really..."

Summer sighed. "No sweetie."

"Oh!" the girl exclaimed. "But she'll be here soon, right? Right?!"

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, sweetie."

Yang run up to the side of the bed and looked at her stepmom with beaming eyes. "Good! 'Cause we're going to have so much fun together! We're going to play together, and..."

"Yang?" Taiyang said in a tone of increasing concern.

Unbeknownst to the little dragon, her mother began to let out a low, annoyed growl. "Grrrr..."

"... and play video games together. OH, and..."

"Yang!" Taiyang said with a bit more force.

"Grrrrrr..."

"... maybe I can even show her how to play the guitar! I mean..."

"YANG!"

"... I'm not good at it or anything, but I have to be better than someone who's never even seen a guitar and..."

"Out...," Summer said simply.

Tai sighed and smacked a palm against his face.

"Uh, sorry mom. What?" Yang asked as if she had just woken up from a trance.

"Out!" Summer said with more force.

Yang began to tear up slightly. "But..."

"You're being a nuisance, Yang!" Summer Rose cried. "I need rest, not an obnoxious little brat running around the bedroom!"

Yang's lower lip began to quiver. "... But I didn't mean to..."

"OOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUTTTTT!" she shouted as she pointed at the door.

Yang nodded solemnly, made a quick 180 degree turn and run out of the room, tears running down her cheeks.

Tai followed his daughter with his eyes, and turned back to Summer as he shook his head. "You didn't have to talk to her like that..."

Summer shot a scowl at her husband. "She was being a brat!"

Tai frowned. "She's just excited... we're all excited."

Summer looked away, staring off into open space. "Well, she should do it somewhere else."

Tai sighed and shook his head as he began to speak, "Look... I think I should just go... I'll let you get some rest..."

"That would be best," Summer said harshly.

Wordlessly, Tai turned and walked out of the room closing the door behind him.

"Mom's in one of her moods again, huh?"

Tai looked up at Yang who was now waiting patiently in the hall. Tai smiled. Aside from some slight moisture around her eyes, you'd never know the poor kids had just gotten yelled at. So much like her mother...

"Don't worry," he smiled. "Giver her five minutes and she'll get out of it."

* * *

\- Five minutes later -

"WHOUAAAAAAAHOUAAAAAAAAHOUAAAAAAAAHOUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Tai bolted into the bedroom. "Honey, what's wrong?!"

"Tai!" Summer cried as tears poured from her eyes. "I'm so, so, SO sorry!"

Tai chuckled as a small smile began to make his way onto his face. "It's alright, darling. You didn't mean to-"

"It's NOT alright!" Summer exclaimed. "I was so...,"Summer's lip quivered. "Hor... hic... hor... hhehh... HORRIBLE TO YOU AND YANG! And I love you two more than anything! How could I even act that way towards you?!" Summer immediately launched back into her sad wailing. "WHOUAAAAAAAHOUAAAAAAAAHOUAAAAAAAA! "

Tai smiled as he walked up to her and sat down on the edge of the bed. He patted his lap.

Still choking back sobs, Summer slowly crawled over and laid her head on her husband's lap. "I'm sorry," she said softly.

Tai chuckled. "Yeah, you said that."

"Well... I mean it... I shouldn't have said what I said," Summer declared. She turned and looked up at her husband lovingly. "I mean... you're the strongest man I know."

Tai shook his head. "The whiniest man you know, maybe..."

It was Summer's turn to shake her head as she smiled. "No, strongest," she insisted. "I mean... you can put up with me..."

Tai began to absentmindedly run a hand over his wife's hair as his eyelids fell slightly. "It's easier than you think..." he said in a hushed tone.

"... Yeah?" Summer replied quietly.

Tai leaned his head down and opened his lips slightly and slowly placed his hands under Summer's head, slowly lifting it.

Summer closed her eyes and parted her own lips as Tai brought the pair's mouths within inches of each other. He slowly closed the distance to almost nothing and whispered "Yeah...," as his lips lightly brushed against Summer's.

Summer felt a shiver run through her body before she quickly raised her head up slightly and wrapped her arms around her husband's neck, pressing her lips firmly against his as the pair shared a passionate kiss.

"Does this mean mom feels better?"

Summer and Tai broke their kiss and turned to the doorway. Yang stood in it with an unsure look on her face.

"I'm sorry, Yang!" Summer said as tears flowed from her eyes once more. "Mommy didn't mean those horrible things she said!" she exclaimed.

Tai just chuckled as he shook his head. "Every time..." he muttered to himself.

Yang bounded up to her parents. "It's alright mom. I forgive you!" she said happily.

Summer's lip quivered once more as she scooted off her husband's lap and closer to the edge of the bed. She reached out with her arms and wrapped them around her daughter, drawing her in close to her chest. "I love you Yang. I'm sorry I yelled at you. Mommy should know better than to let her mood swings get the better of her..."

"It's alright, mom," Yang squirmed in Summer's arms and peeked her head up to look at her. "Soon you won't feel this way anymore and I'll have a baby sister!"

Summer smiled wide and nodded. "That's right and OH-," Summer winced.

"What's wrong, mom?" Yang asked. "Is the baby coming?"

"Ye... yeah...," Tai stammered out in a worried tone. "Is the baby coming?"

Summer chuckled and reached a hand out, resting it on one of her husband's. "Don't worry!" she said with a smile. "Just another fake contraction, I'm sure!"

"... You're sure?" Tai said.

Summer shook her head. "You worry too much. I'll be able to tell if it's a real contraction, I'm sure."

Tai chuckled to himself. "Alright you got me, you'll be able to tell if it's a real contraction or not."

Summer nodded cheerfully. "That's right."

"Maybe, I should stick around for a little bit," he said. "Just to make sure."

Summer maintained her smile as she shook her head. "Suit yourself...," she said as she snuggled up back on Tai's lap.

"What can I do, mom?" Yang asked.

Summer flashed her a warm smile. "Why don't you go get your guitar, sweetie? I think I'd love to hear you play.

Yang nodded. "Sure mom!" She quickly run out of the room.

* * *

\- A few minutes later -

Yang slowly picked at the strings on her small acoustic guitar.

"Wow...," Tai said. "She's really... uh... getting better...," he offered.

Her head resting on her husband's lap again, Summer raised a hand and swatted her husband's leg. "Oh stop it, you!" she said. She smiled. "She's just starting, she has plenty of time to grow and get better." Summer looked down at her protruding belling and patted it lovingly. "And so do you...," she whispered out.

"GUITAR SOLO!" Yang cried as she began to quickly run her fingers up and down the guitar, playing a random assortment of notes.

Tai frowned. "Uh, Yang? Maybe you should just stick to the-"

"Oh, just let her play," Summer said as she looked at her daughter with a smile. "She's just having a little fun nothing wrong with-," Summer was cut off as she curled up slightly and winced once more.

Yang frowned and stopped playing. "Mom, are you alright?"

Tai looked down with just the hints of concern on his face. "Another fake contraction?"

Summer looked up at her husband, her previously happy expression having just been obliterated by a dead serious one that had quickly and efficiently set up shop on every corner of her face. "Get me out of bed," she said. "We need to get to the hospital."

* * *

Suppose for a minute that from the first contraction to birth of a baby, one had a lot of time to figure things out. Maybe hours even before there was even a chance the baby would be born. While this could very easily be considered worse on the mother, it would give ample time to get things ready and make sure the mother was in a nice, safe environment to give birth. After the birth of his first child, Tai had often thought how nice it would be to have a little more time.

Of course, things weren't that simple. Tai knew he had, at best, 30 minutes before his wife would start giving birth. Just half an hour (and more likely, less than that) to make sure his wife was nice and safe in a hospital bed with a nurse and doctor to look after her.

Still, this was wasn't his first time, and he knew if at least one person there could keep a cool level head, everything would turn out fine.

With an urgency and speed she hadn't mustered in quite some time, Summer was off the bed and on her feet.

Tai quickly attempted to follow suit, but instead got tangled in the covers and fell off the bed. He landing in a heap of failing limbs and blankets on the floor with a *Thup!* and an "Ooof!"

Summer looked down at her husband. "Are you alright, dear?"

Tai was up like a shot and placed his hands on Summer's shoulders. "The... the baby is coming!" he stammered out.

Summer nodded. "Yes, hence the need to get to the hospital," she said calmly.

"Wha... What do we doOoOoOoOoo?!" Tai cried.

"Yeah, mom..." Yang said in a concerned, unsure tone. "What do we do?"

Summer winced as another contraction flickered pain through her body.

"AH! I SEE!" Tai said. "No time to waste, darling! Hop on my back!" Tai cried as he lowered himself to the floor.

Summer smacked a palm against her face. "Car," she uttered simply.

"Wha...?" Tai replied in a confused tone.

"Maybe we should use the car instead."

"Oh...," Tai said as he stood back up. "Right... so I guess I should... uh..."

"Go outside and get it ready?" Summer suggested.

"Right! That!" Tai said with a smile. As soon as it arrived, his smile transformed back into a panicky frown. "Wait! How are you going to get down the stairs?!"

Summer sighed, "I can manage stairs, Tai."

"Are you sure?" Tais asked in a concerned tone.

Summer nodded. "Besides! Yang will help me." Summer looked down at her daughter. "Won't you, sweetie?"

Yang smiled and nodded. "Sure, mom!"

Tai darted uncertain eyes between his wife and daughter. "Are you sure, you'll be okay?"

"Oh for Oum's sake, Tai!" Summer cried. "I just need to get outside. Now unless you've miraculously learned what to do when a baby is being born, I suggest you get the car ready."

"Uh, okay... but..."

Summer winced as another painful contraction wracked her body. "GO!" she cried.

Tai's eyes went wide as he quickly about faced out of the room and bolted for the stairs.

"AAAAAHHH!"

*Smash!*

"OOOOFFF!"

*Crash!*

Summer and Yang cringed as they heard what could only be the sounds of an adult man falling down the stairs with accompanying pained cries.

"AIEEEE!"

*Bang!*

"WHAAAA!"

*Thud!*

"... OW..."

"Uh... Darling?" Summer said in an unsure tone.

"Dad? Are you alright?" Yang called out.

"I'M OKAY!" Tai cried. "Just uh... watch that first step... and all the steps that come after it."

Summer just smiled and shook her head. "Come on my little dragon, help mommy outside."

Yang nodded. "Um-hmm!" she hummed happily.

Soon, Summer and Yang were sitting on the back seats of the car, while Tai was at the wheel.

He looked back with a worried expression. Summer's breathing had already become labored as the contractions increased in frequency and severity.

"Are you okay?" Tai asked.

Summer shot Tai an annoyed look. "Huff... puff... no. In fact, you should probably take me to the hospital."

* * *

\- A drive scene worthy of a high budget blockbuster movie later -

A car started slowing down and coming to a stop in front of Patch's three story tall hospital.

The drivers door opened and Tai stumbled out and fell into the dirt with another "Ooof!"

Summer calmly opened the car and stepped onto the ground, wincing slightly as yet another contraction assaulted her.

"Are you alright, mom?" Yang asked. "Do you need me to help you walk inside?"

"I'm fine, sweetie. Go help your father."

Yang nodded. "Right mom!"

She helped Tai up to his feets and the trio made their way into the hospital.

Behind a receptionist's desk, a young nurse nodded politely at the three. "Hello, Mrs. Rose, Mr. Xiao-Long, Yang, is everything going alright with the pr-"

"I'M HAVING MY BABY LIKE RIGHT NOW!" Summer cried in a panicky tone as she rushed up to the desk. "I NEED TO SEE THE DOCTOR, STAT!"

"Uh... right away!" The nurse exclaimed. In a flash, she was on the other side of the desk with a wheelchair. Tai and the nurse quickly loaded up Summer onto the chair. The nurse quickly ran behind it and pushed it into the hospital.

"Don't worry, darling," Tai said. "We'll get you in a bed and get an epidural for you right away."

"Epiwhirl?" Yang asked.

Summer shook her head. "Huff... puff... no way! I'm a huntress! I'm going to beat this thing by myself!"

Tai frowned. "You're going to beat... contraction pain?"

Summer smiled. "Huff... puff... You bet!"

* * *

\- Two minutes later -

"GIVE ME THE DRUGS! GIVE ME THE DRUGS! GIVE ME THE DRUGS!" Summer cried from her hospital bed.

An old man wearing a lab coat turned towards the nurse at his side. "Prepare the patient for epidural."

"Right away, doctor," she positioned herself alongside Summer and leaned the woman upright.

"It's alright, honey!" Tai said as he clasped one of his wife's hands in his own. "You're going to get through this!"

"Easy for YOU to say!" Summer hissed out.

"I meant specifically the next few moments before the doctor administers anesthesia." Tai clarified.

"Oh...," Summer replied in a much softer tone. "That makes a lot more sense."

The doctor was soon behind Summer with a rather large needle and syringe. "Alright, you're going to feel a few quick pricks here..."

Summer nodded. "Sa... sure...," she stammered out. "As long is it- OW! Hey, that was a bit more than a pr...," Summer's pupils started to dilate as a smile slowly poured its way onto her face like syrup onto a stack of pancakes.

"Uh, are you okay, mom?" Yang asked.

"I'm fine, sweetie." Summer replied as she laid back down on her side, facing Tai. She smiled playfully at him. "Hehe... abs...," Summer cooed as she began playfully batting at her husband's stomach.

"Uhhh...," Tai turned towards the doctor. "How much time do we have left?"

"Abs... abs...," Summer murmured happily to herself.

Dr. Stable turned towards Tai with a serious look on his face. "Not long now. Birthing could start at any-"

"HHHHHGGHHHNNNN!" Summer cried as she suddenly doubled over on herself.

"-moment."

"Uh, Yang?" Tai called from his wife's side. "You might want to sit back here with me..."

Yang shook her head. "No way! This is my baby sister being born! I bet it's really ne-"

"Alright, the membrane is just starting to emerge!"

Yang looked up as her eyes went wide and her pupils shrank to pin-pricks. "I want to sit back there with you," she announced.

"You're doing good, Mrs. Rose," the nurse said. "Just keep pushing."

"Eeeeuuughgg!" Summer cried painfully. "That's exactly what I'm doing!" she added in an irritated tone.

The doctor frowned. "Uh-oh, we have a red bag delivery."

"Wha... what does that mean?!" Tai asked in a concerned tone.

"It means the placenta has separated early! We need to get this baby delivered quickly."

"Placenwha?! I DON'T KNOW WHAT ALL THESE BIG WORDS MEAN!" Yang cried as she waved her arms above her head.

"You don't want to know!" Tai exclaimed.

"Oh...," Yang said calmly. "Alright then." She sat back down.

Tai looked up at the doctor. "Can you do anything?!"

"Of course!" He looked up at Tai and flashed a wry grin. "You didn't think they hand out medical degrees just for looking pretty, did you?"

Tai rolled his eyes. "Going by your appearance? Not for an instant."

Summer darted fierce looking eyes between Tai and the doctor. "Would you two kindly STOP GOOFING OFF AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT MY NEWBORN DAUGHTER?!"

"Uh... sorry honey...," Tai said weakly.

"Don't worry," the doctor smiled, his hands starting to glow. "I've done this dozens of times. Uh... I'm afraid it might feel a bit... weird..."

Summer rolled her eyes. "There's a living thing coming out of me! I think things feel as weird as they possibly-"

A brilliant blue glow began to emanate from around Summer's body. Her eyes quickly widened as her pupils quickly began to drown in the growing sea of her silver irises.

"-I was wrong," she said simply.

"Wow! Aura is so cool!" Yang cheered.

Tai just smiled. "You think that is cool, you should see what your mom can do."

"Nurse! The tray!" the doctor barked out.

The nurse quickly dashed for a tray of medical equipment, gripped it and handed it over to the doctor, who took a small, sharp scalpel.

In a few more, tense seconds, the delivery room was pierced by the sound of a high-pitched, shrill cry.

"HeehhheehhWhouaaaWHOUAAAAAAAHOUAAAAAAAAHOUAAAAAAAA...!"

Yang quickly placed her hands over her ears. "Geez! That's some crying."

Teary eyed, Tai chuckled to himself and placed a gentle hand on his, now eldest, daughter's shoulder. "Get used to it, I'm sure we'll be hearing lots of it for a while..."

Summer looked up with concern. "Is the baby alright?! Is everything okay?!"

The nurse turned towards Summer and smiled. "She's fine, everything is fine," she assured. "The doctor is just cleaning her."

"HOUAAAAAAAAHOUAAAAAAAA...!"

Said doctor chuckled to himself. "Heh, she certainly doesn't seem to like it." He gently wiped the girl clean with a towel before the nurse walked up and wrapped a red blanket around her.

"HOUAAAAAAAAHOUAAAAAAAAHOUAAAAAAAAAAAAA...!"

"Geez!" Yang exclaimed. She looked up at her father. "Do you think she has an off switch?"

Tai chuckled. "I'm guessing she has the same off switch you did at her age."

Yang shot her dad a confused look.

Summer looked out at her newborn daughter, a concerned look still on her face. "Can I... can I hold her?"

"HOUAAAAAAAAHOUAAAAAAAAAAAHOUAAAAAAAA...!"

"Of course!" The nurse said as she stepped away, allowing the doctor to approach and gently lower the newborn baby into Summer's waiting arms.

"HOUAAAAAAAAHOUAAA-," almost immediately upon contact with her mother, the girl ceased crying and the room went quiet.

"Dad," Yang whispered out quietly. "I wanna see..."

Tai quietly lowered himself and scooped up Yang into his arms, sitting up and leaning against the hospital bed so they could see their new family member.

Summer smiled tenderly at her child as she enjoyed the feeling of warmth in her arms and against her chest. The weight that had grown slowly over nine months was gone, replaced by the tiny bundle she held and a feeling of joy that felt to Summer is if it had enveloped her, like a warm blanket fresh from a dryer.

"Hello my little rose," Summer cooed to the tiny girl that stared back at her with large, silver eyes. "I'm your mother...," the tears in Summer's eyes began to flow freely down her cheeks as she gently rocked her daughter back and forth. "... And I'm going to take care of you... for as long as you need me to."


	13. Magnificent Breakfast Cereal

**Chapter 13: Magnificent Breakfast Cereal**

Nora squinted in the dimly lit office as she sat in a chair in front of Glynda Goodwitch's large desk. Pale ribbons of light that managed to sneak past the room's blinds where the only light source, and the lights combined with the shadows of the blinds created a look reminiscent of a window blocked by evenly spaced bars.

Nora shifted uncomfortably in her seat. The almost prison like feeling of the room was bad enough, but the huntress herself looming over her with an almost expressionless gaze was even worse.

"Now, do you know why you're here?"

Nora offered a weak smile. "Is it because you need to replace a light bulb and you need someone to hold a ladder?"

"You're not in a position to make jokes, young lady."

Nora frowned. "No... but it's really dark in here! I mean... it's shinning outside! Do you need help opening your blinds without making them go all sideways and crooked? Because I can help you try, but I usually need help from Ren or Jau-"

Glynda pursed her lips ever so slightly and narrowed her eyes.

Nora's eyes widened. "Did... did Miss Peach send me here because I was eating 'Pumpkin Pete's Cereal' in her class and didn't share any of it?"

Glynda's stern look cracked a bit as she gave Nora a perplexed look. "No, but you shouldn't eat cereal in Professor Peach's class. Or any class for that matter."

"Oh...," Nora said meekly as she looked up at Goodwitch with worry, slouched, and clasped one hand over the other and placing them between her legs. She looked very much like she was hoping she would shrink until she disappeared.

Glynda sighed and shook her head. "Perhaps if I remind you that while Beacon Academy does not have a strict dress code, we do still have some basic requirements about what the students show up to school wearing... or not wearing in this case."

"Oh! So it's because I forgot to wear a skirt or pants today!" Nora said as she looked down at her bare legs and pink panties.

Glynda groaned and rubbed her temple. "Yes, I'm afraid so."

Nora gulped as she slowly leaned over, picked up an open box of 'Pumpkin Pete's' and held it up for Glynda to see. "Maybe if I share some of my magical cereal we can forget this whole thing?"

Glynda narrowed her eyes slightly then peered into the box. Her narrowed eyes were soon joined by her furrowed brow. "You already picked out all the marshmallows, didn't you?"

Beads of sweat began to appear on Nora's forehead her pupils shrank to the size of pin-pricks. She held the box in her left hand as she bent down to pick up a jar with red sap.

"Maybe we can... sweeten the deal..."


	14. RWBY Drabbles Part 1

**Chapter 14: RWBY Drabbles Part 1**

Partner Look

As soon as his alarm clock rang, Ren opened his eyes sleepily. Just an ordinary morning routine.

Jaune was still snoring. Pyrrha was probably already training. And Nora...

Oddly, Nora was nowhere to be seen.

Ren swung out of bed and reached for his clothes, but they were gone, just like Nora. He sensed the worst.

The next moment the door flew open and his fears came true.

"Good morning Ren! Get up, sleepy head!"

He sighed. "Nora?"

"Yes?"

"Would you take my clothes off? Please?"

"Oh come on, you spoil sport! We could go in partner look! Do you want to put my clothes on? I'm sure you would look stunning with a skirt! "

* * *

Kitty Charity

There was an indefinable black mass in the smoking furnace.

Blake coughed. "What the hell are you doing here? And why are you guys wearing cat ears? Is that supposed to offend me somehow?"

She was more than confused to find her teammates with fake cat ears in the devastated kitchen. Even Zwei had put on a couple.

She guessed it was Ruby, who now appeared before her with sparkling eyes.

"Hey Blake! We're baking cakes for the kitty charity! Do you want to participate too? It's going to be fun!"

"I doubt you make any money with this cake, but kitty charity doesn't sound too bad," Blake admitted after some hesitation.

* * *

Matchmaker

From her hiding place, Yang watched intently as Blake entered the cafe, where she thought she had an appointment with her now. The date was right so far, but Yang had no intention of showing himself to the black-haired woman.

Because if everything went according to plan, Sun would appear soon and then he would spend a nice afternoon with Blake. Which, however, he didn't know yet as well.

Yang grinned.

The dawdling in the relationship between the two would finally come to an end.

And as a reward, she would have Blake tell her all the spicy details later.

* * *

Nightmares

"Weiss... Weiss..."

The heiress opened one eye in exasperation when her sleep was disturbed. Ruby stood in front of her, looking like a lost puppy.

"I had a nightmare... can I sleep with you?"

Weiss groaned and turned away from her, trying to escape the begging eyes that she knew she could not resist for long. "You're not a small child anymore, please sleep in your own bed," she grumbled.

Then, from across the room, she heard Yang's offer to sleep with her instead.

She quickly grabbed Ruby's wrist and pulled her towards her. "Now come here."

* * *

White Crow

Winter rolled her eyes in exasperation when she saw her 'date' at the bar. Hopefully he hadn't been there for too long and was still reasonably sober. She only reluctantly talked with the rowdy huntsmen, but Qrow had the information she needed.

Her hopes however were shattered when Qrow turned and greeted her with a slur.

"You're drunk," she remarked coolly.

"And you're too stiff, princess," he countered and then tripped straight from the bar stool into her arms.

She sighed. "I feel more like a nanny."

Winter pulled Qrow to her side and started to take him to a room.

* * *

A RWBY Eastern Part 1

Team (R)WBY was woken up early in the morning on an Easter Sunday.

"Ruby, what the hell?!" Weiss complained.

Her leader scurried noisily through the room. "Easter means Easter egg hunt!" she announced brightly.

"How old are you, please?"

"I doubt Professor Ozpin hid Easter eggs," Blake added, curling up under the covers.

But Ruby was already gone. Yang grinned. "Let's look at the spectacle."

Ruby was waiting in the hallway for them, already loaded head to toe with chocolate.

Weiss' jaw dropped. "Seriously?!"

"We did this at home every year," Yang laughed. "That's why I may have hidden something here and there."

* * *

A RWBY Eastern Part 2

"Please Velvet," Ruby whined and held out the costume." You would be such a good Easter bunny!"

The faunus looked to the bystanders for help. She was instantly besieged upon entering the dining room and there seemed to be no escape. Fox and Blake eyed the spectacle with disinterest, Coco and Yang were enjoying themselves and Weiss had put her hand on her temple in exasperation.

Yatsuhashi, her last hope, avoided her eyes in embarrassment. "I would also find that you would make a rather cute Easter bunny."

She blushed and surrendered.

Not for Ruby, but for Yatsuhashi, she also played Easter bunny all day.

* * *

New BFF

Ruby cleared her throat meaningfully. "Well, new friends, we gathered here today to..."

"Um, Ruby...," Weiss tapped her shoulder. "What are all these people doing in our room?"

"Nora and I explained to you that our BFF party is taking place today!"

Weiss grimaced and looked around sceptically. "Say Ruby, don't you think these three look kind of suspicious?" She pointed to Cinder, Emerald and Mercury.

"How so? They even brought cake!"

"Cake aside, the guy is holding a dead kitten."

_(Allergy advice: The above cake may contain traces of kittens.)_

* * *

Pumpkin Pete

Pyrrha opened the door to Team JNPR's common room. Apparently there was nobody there.

No Nora. No Ren. And unfortunately, no Jaune.

She dropped onto his bed thoughtfully. Maybe it was good to be alone in the room.

She was a bit nervous, but curiosity won out in the end. Carefully she opened Jaune's closet and was greeted by her own face.

Her heart was racing. Had Jaune picked up a photo of her?!

Then she looked closer and had to laugh. It was a half-full pack of Pumpkin Pete's cereal.


	15. A Pointless Button

**Chapter 15: A Pointless Button**

It stood there, taunting her, daring her to make her move. For what reason this atrocity existed, or even who made it was an utter mystery. All Weiss knew was this abomination had tread into her domain, and had the audacity to challenge her with its very existence. Defiantly, this eyesore stood against Weiss - and logic itself - with the outrageous claim stamped on its face:

"Pointless button. Warning: Pointless...," Weiss read from its metallic surface. The word 'pointless' stabbed at her sense of decency. Nothing in the world was pointless, everything had a rhyme or reason to it, so this button had to also have one. Something pointless - that is something without a purpose - she found the mere thought of something like that absolutely sickening.

Cautiously she approached the menace, carefully walking closer as if to sneak up on this metal monstrosity. Slowly she skulked across the room, until she stood face to plate with her new-found nemesis. She glared into the polished surface, daring the object to so much as glint in the sun.

"Everything has a purpose... a point... logic!" she exclaimed. "Even Jaune has purpose, anti-purpose in his case, but still purpose!" Weiss gave up on her stealthy approach to the situation, and was now pacing around the machine. As she walked, she inspected every inch of the vile piece of machinery that had imposed itself on her life today. She examined its back, only to find a gleaming metal surface devoid of any information. There were no screws, or seams, she didn't even find an engraving that said 'Made in Mistral'. Her eyes wandered from the large, solid top, down the thin pole holding this atrocity up.

"There's nothing here!" she said, frustrated. She took a step back, taking in the big picture once again. Weiss had hoped that seeing the object as a whole would calm her anger, but it only fueled her more. The word 'pointless' stood out even worse, almost mocking her as she tried to make sense of this abomination to all that followed logic.

"Pointless! You have it written on you twice!" She stomped across the room, charging at her foe. "Why do you have it on you twice? You have already expressed that you're pointless with your name! Why then place a warning telling us that you're pointless?" she accused.

"Or are you stating that your warning is pointless? In which case, why have a warning?" she whined while rubbing her temples. A headache was now throbbing deep in her head because of this monument to the asinine. Weiss let out a low groan. Every time she pictured the button, her brain throbbed in pain.

"That's it, I banish you! As heiress to the Schnee Dust Company, I, Weiss Schnee, banish you!" Weiss pointed a finger towards the door, showing her tormentor its exit. After a moment of silence from the inanimate object, she blushed.

"Why am I talking to a button?" she questioned herself, realizing how silly she had to look.

"_Silly_?" That word struck a chord with Weiss. She realized she did look silly yelling at an inanimate object. Silly enough for someone to get a good laugh at her expense. Surely they would get a great laugh at Weiss, trying to banish a button from her room. She glanced around the empty room, scanning it closely to see any suspicious activity. Surely she was alone, she had to be, she was talking to herself this whole time. Weiss might just die of embarrassment if someone had been watching. Her eyes eventually found their way back to the button that was tormenting her.

"Did Ruby put you up to this?" Weiss asked the object once more. "Or maybe Yang?" She glared at her foe once more, eyeballing it carefully.

"Objects still don't talk...," she reminded herself, turning red once more.

"Talking counts as a point," she said, staring at the button for a moment. She waited to see if it would take the bait, and engage her in conversation, but that didn't happen. Inanimate meant it couldn't talk, or move, so why Weiss expect it to start doing either of those, she didn't know.

"You really are poi-," she stopped herself mid-sentence not wanting to admit defeat. She could always discern the button's purpose with a simple press, but that would be giving in. If she pressed this button, she would feel like she had lost. Weiss wanted to get to the bottom of this, with her dignity intact- well, what little dignity she had left.

Weiss was pacing again, looking at the monstrosity before her. Someone had put it there, someone had to have installed this button in here, buttons don't just appear from thin air. She pondered who would have such a vendetta against her to drive her insane with such a silly, although admittedly effective, tactic.

"Alright, pointless button, I'm giving you one more chance, come clean or face the wrath of Weiss Schnee!" she glared at the nonsensical device once more, this time her eyes showed a burning passion to end this charade.

"Nothing to say?" she asked. "Fine with me!" Pale hands wrapped around the machine. Weiss pulled back, trying to rip the abomination out from the ground it was planted in. The wood around the base wouldn't budge, the button itself didn't even flinch as Weiss tugged.

"No more Miss Nice Huntress!" Weiss' pulled harder, sweat formed on her brow.

Yet all her effort was yielding no results. The wood the button was lodged in refused to give way, the pole that held the button wouldn't bend, the button itself defied Weiss' efforts by boasting a still pristine surface. But Weiss was not deterred. She pulled harder, and harder, until her arms felt like they would rip apart. Try as Weiss might though, the button would not move.

She finally collapsed from exhaustion, her strength spent, her body sweaty from her struggle. The heiress meekly raised her eyes to see the object of her hatred, leering down at her, unflinching in its defiance of her. The button didn't even have so much as a dent in its polished surface, the letters still looking as crisp and clean as when she first noticed this monstrosity.

"I hate you...," she muttered as she climbed back onto her feets. Slowly she walked towards her nemesis, her strength all but spent. She placed a hand against its surface, resting for a moment.

"I just want you gone... you illogical abomination...," Weiss brought her other hand to the button. She hovered above it for a moment, mentally preparing herself for what would come.

"You win, just get out of here," Weiss closed her eyes as tight as she could when she pressed down. After a second later, she released. Her eyes opened after another second. Nothing had happened, no explosion, no bucket of water falling on her head, absolutely nothing.

"N-Nothing happened," she said in disbelief. "Y-You're... pointless..."

*THUD*

* * *

Suddenly Weiss shot up from her bed. The sheets were soaked, and she herself was covered in a cold sweat. She panted for a moment, looking at the bottom of Ruby's bed. Her senses slowly returned to her from her sleepy daze.

Looking around around carefully, she took note that there was nothing out of place in the room. Only the sound of Ruby's soft breathing and Yang's snorring could be heard in the middle of the night.

"A dream," she sighed, taking in a deep, calming breath. "It was just... a dream." Weiss shuddered slightly, before covering herself with her blanket, closing her eyes. "Just a dream. As something like that would ever hap... pen... snore..."

* * *

\- 5 minutes later -

Yang woke up with a jolt, looking around wildly before relaxing. Rubbing her eyes, she sat up and let out a large yawn. She streched her arms, before falling back in her bed. She smiled. "I just had the most awesome dream ever! Can't wait to try that out for real!"


End file.
